Draft Week, Sir.

Brethren: It's draft week, which is usually a much more anticipatory time for the Sports Brethren, as it's our one official NFL moment until early fall. Yea, the official schedule came out recently, but I like to take a Silver Foxian view of the schedule and say "you play who they tell you to play." But this year, the Panthers have no first round pick, which means they won't be active for the first five hours of ESPN's coverage. Of course, the Silver Fox will tell you we already had our 2009 first round pick -- last year, when we traded up to get Jeff Otah. Hiiiyyooo.

But there are some things to note with this draft, despite the relative lack of impact the Cats can have. Of course, that can all change if the stealthy Panthers do something big with Julius Peppers before or during the draft. Everyone's been saying we pretty much have to deal him before the draft takes place if he's going to be moved at all, so things seem very "calm before the storm" quiet right now. There was solid Twitter chatter today about a rumor that sprung out of the QC's best sports radio station, WFNZ (more on that later), but beyond that, the Panthers front office is doing the right thing by saying, "We have Julius on salary cap right now and we anticipate he'll be a Panther come fall" and force the Peppers camp to drive the conversation. Which they haven't been, which has led to a very All Quiet on the Panther Front offseason.

Some Draft Day musings, and an appearance by dear Nacho, desde:


Brethren (cont'd): First thing of note that I think has been undercovered so far this year: the new start time of the draft. We're now getting started at 4 PM EST, which seemed like a ludicrously late time, until I read that link. Apparently, the draft was pushed back to 3 PM last year, so this year is only an hour later. I was under the impression that the draft still started at noon, like it did back in the day, but then I remembered I haven't watched the first day of the draft live since 2003. That was my senior year in high school, and since I went to college, Draft Saturday has fallen on the high holiday of the Foxfield Races, the most wonderful UVA tradition ever, and thus, I've been preoccupied (read: drunk and not near a tv) and unable to watch the draft live. (Yes, even in the late 80s, Foxfield was a ridiculous conceit to day drink heavily. Love how some things never change.) In any event, I find the 4 PM EST start time patently ridiculous because now the first day probably won't end until 1 AM, but it also means I can probably catch the Panthers #59 pick live from the bar Saturday night. I guess now Nacho and the Left Coasters can sleep in and not miss the start, but still seems like quiet a late start time for a slow-moving event like the draft.

Issue #2: Who should the Panthers pick? Fuck if I know. We don't pick for so long, it's a bit absurd trying to actually nail down a name. I hear the Utah DE (we drafted Steve Smith and Jordan Gross from there so every Ute must become a Pro Bowl Panther!); I hear some DE from Ga Tech (if he falls to us!). It seems pretty widely accepted we're going after a DE or DB because of the Peppers situation and the Ken Lucas roster cut. Sure; I could go either way there. Thing is, I have no idea, but I'm sure I'll be pumped and convincing some poor undergrad girl in a booth at the Virginian that we made a wise decision Saturday night, and thus it would be wise of her take me back to her humble abode.

Issue #3: So this is the digital marketing nerd in me, but back to that point I made about Twitter earlier: my search patterns have drastically change when I need news now. Whereas I would usually search Google News as quickly possible, nowadays, Twitter Search is much more reliable. For instance, today, I received a text from Nacho about the rumor Peppers is being dealt to the Patriots for Richard Seymour and a 2nd round pick. While sweeping the Internets with glee, trying to find the story, I went to Google News and searched. Nothing came back about the rumor. So I responded to Nacho about where he heard. His response, "a KSK retweet." So I checked Twitter Search and boom, 12 answers about the rumor. Real-time search results, provided by the users for the users. Granted, this is something I've mildly read about at work, but until now, had no personal experience with the power of real-time search. And it's why Google should be shitting their pants over Twitter.

/end nerdgasm.

Issue #4: The Observer upset the Cap'n quite a bit this weekend by throwing out the fantasy that the Panthers draft Pitt QB Pat White. Now, I encourage such whimsical thinking, but Pappy didn't take kindly to the ridiculousness of it. It's sad that the Panthers brass would be so written off that their own fans won't even entertain the thought that they could pull something like that off. But I like to think that's where the Silver Fox operates best: when everyone already thinks they know what he's up to.

Either that, or it's been a long damn time since January 10th and I've forgotten how he blindly stuck to a defense that Fitzgerald was killing and didn't have the good sense to reign Jake in. Well, maybe not completely forgotten, but I still -- for some reason -- have faith in the Silver Fox.

Enjoy watching Berman tip the picks; I'll be leering at sundress cleavage through my un-reality aviators, swilling bourbon, sweating through my finest race clothes, and generally being a gentleman.
The Jump

So That Happened

Nacho: The month of March has come and gone, and with it nary a blog post could be found from the fabled SportsBrethren. Fear not, we've not succumbed to peanut salmonella or something, there was just a lot going on. The Cap'n Pappy and Mammy flew out to LA to visit me, and Brethren was shepherding "Eastbound & Down" into the cultural zeitgeist.

In the interim quite a bit has gone on on the Charlotte sports scene. The Panthers, again, didn't listen to me and make a play for Jay Cutler. On the brightside, Ashton only has to fly to Denver to see his buddy. The Panthers haven't dealt Julius Peppers yet, but my guess is they will. He's trying to get a big paycheck in a bad economy, so don't be surprised when the first-round-draft-less Panthers deal him on April 25th to pick before #30.

The Bobcats had a helluva month. February ended with a drubbing of the Clippers that I got to witness firsthand in the Staples Center. Even got to meet DJ Augustin's cousin, and they enjoyed the enthusiasm. The Cats rolled off a nice five (or was it six? -- Brethren: It was a franchise-record six!) game winning streak and found themselves in the hunt for the 8th seed. At the rate they were playing, it looked all but foregone that they'd sneak in as the last team, but some unfortunate, typical late game collapses seem to have doomed them.

For further analysis follow us, after...

Nacho cont'd: I got really into the Bobcats during the month of March, primarily because I discovered sites like justin.tv and atdhe.net that show streaming video of games. I consumed more Bobcattery than I'd ever done before, and eventually found myself invested in their success. I buckled and admitted that Larry Brown had done well by the time, I speculated about Allen Iverson's prospects in Charlotte, and in the end bit the eff out of my fingernails and yelled a lot. I share Brethren's optimism about the Bobcats 09-10 season and look forward to a fulfilling playoffs over the next eight months.

March Madness happened and the first week was awesome and everything after that kinda stunk. There was a lot of bad basketball played and few upsets. I guess I'd like to see UNC win, but I have no vested interest. I do firmly believe Tyler Hansborough will be Spain's best player in three years, tho. (hat tip to Dave for that prophecy)

And now, someone with a better education....

Brethren: Hello there, friends. I'm truly apologetic for now just getting back on the Sports Brethren blog horse. In our late winter hibernation, a fine blog with the fine promise of only posting during business hours has popped up, the Panthers have remained as stoic and Panthery as they always are, and the Bobcats became a relevant NBA team. Like riding a bike, I'll get back to what's familiar; we present the "where the fuck is spring yet?" edition of the patented bulleted Brethren thoughts:

- Did you watch Eastbound & Down? Did you fan Kenny Powers on facebook? Did you send a friend a customized voice message from the Legend himself? Did you interact with this kick-ass banner ad? If you did one or more of the above, thanks for helping a brother pay rent.

- But seriously, Kenny Fucking Powers is a goddamn bullet proof tiger, and I will do everything I can to convince my HBO marketing clients to call their colleagues in Programming and bring it back for Season 2. Which means I'll have as much influence as any other joker, but gives me an easy conversation piece to discuss with anyone I haven't seen in a long time.

- Wow, Carolina. Ridiculous first half. You are validating the Analyst-in-Chief quite nicely. Next thing you know, he'll be firing CEOs because he can. Snap.

- I actually disagree with Nacho/Smokey -- I think Peppers plays next year for the Panthers. Hurney and the Silver Fox are content to pay him ri-gawd-damn-diculous money or take their sanctioned 2 first round draft picks. They're playing within the rules of the system, and they're keeping their mouths shut. Which seems to have worked out better than, say, what the Broncos did the past two months.

- It's tough to make any predictions about the Cats next year, simply because so much rides on what we do with Pep. These few weeks leading up to Draft Day will determine a lot how the rest of spring/summer play out.

- Opening Day today. How 'bout the Mets' bullpen? Night and Day from last year.

- And, of course, the Bobcats. The five seed is ours to lose next year, I really believe that. AI, as Nacho suggests, may make some sense, in that it moves Bell to the bench, and provides a scorer that we need from the wing. But it's hard to ignore the rapid decline of AI, and I'm not sure we have the cap space -- nor the inclination to fuck with what seems like good team chemistry -- to take a flyer on The Answer.

We'll hopefully be more frequent with the check-ins around here. I'm off to watch the Tar Heels cement this National Championship and drink some bourbon. Good to be back, folks.
The Jump

Week 12: Ugh. Are the Panthers as not good as everyone else thinks?

Brethren: Some teams have already played their Week 13 games, so it's high time we talk about Week 12 and the Carolina Panthers' disgusting loss on the road to Atlanta. It's Thanksgiving week and thus, I am overly fed and weary from travels, but here are some random thoughts from Week 12 leading into Week 13:

- This slow start shit has got to stop. Zero positive yards in the first quarter. Three-and-outs galore. A 17-0 hole. The Panthers do it too often and it finally bit them in the ass.

- John Fox's bottom line approach is tantalizing for bloggers like ourselves. The man only judges the team's individual aspects on whether we've won or lost. Passing game sucks? Well it's good enough to be 8-3. Run defense been terrible recently? It's been good 8 weeks and not good enough for 3 weeks. Players not as prepared for the game? They've been well prepared 8 times and not as well prepared 3 times. Every aspect of the game is "something we'll evaluate" and has been up to snuff 8 times and not up to snuff 3 times.

It's frustrating because as someone who analyzes and overanalyzes every cotdamn Panthers game, I'm seeking answers. And John Fox won't have it. Which is probably good for the team, but it leaves me to do nothing but jump to wild conclusions. I'm sure John Fox loves me.

- Fucking Falcons. They bite us at least once a year. It's annoying.

- I haven't felt comfortable about this team since mid-October. Last Sunday was the first significant Sunday in a while -- we had a bye then two games against the Raiders and Lions -- and quite simply, the Panthers shat the bed. Methinks we're giving the rest of the world a lot of evidence to support the "Panthers aren't that good" theory. I, for one, am still believing. So much so that I recently had a very vivid dream about how the Panthers won the Super Bowl. It felt real. I woke up salivating, knowing that's how it could feel when the day happens.

But still...the Panthers need to get a lot better. Put ourselves in the position to do some damage in the playoffs and we'll go from there. Nacho's thoughts if he ever gets out of a food coma, desde

Nacho: I woke up sad today. Not because my favorite holiday was over. Not because the blogosphere seems to be taking it easy today. No, I woke up sad because the first clear thought through my mind this morning was "There's still two more days until football." Sure, the Iron Bowl's this weekend, but with each passing year my tenuous love of college football wanes. It's because of the bowl system.

Anyway, usually Fridays and Saturdays are pretty packed with work and whatever weekend obligations I have. It keeps my mind off the fact that football's still two days away. Now I'm facing a forty-eight hour stretch without football and even less to occupy my mind. I will, inevitably, overthink this weekend's match up against the Packers. This probably doesn't end. I get a distinct feeling I will memorize "Tropic Thunder", or make just wantonly spend hours on Bodog.

So bear with the Brethren; we're going to be filled with various meats and side items throughout the weekend, and we'll be more prompt in our posting, if for no other reason than it'll give us some peace and quiet.

Happy Turkey Weekend, urrbody!
The Jump

Week 9: The Lovely Bye Week

Brethren: With the Carolina Panthers sitting Week 9 of the 2008 NFL Season out with a bye, I took advantage and headed South to return to the glorious place of Charlottesville, Virginia, for UVA’s Homecoming weekend. I went to Homecoming last year and saw an underrated ‘Hoos team take down a spunky UConn team, and while Homecoming is a good a weekend as ever to watch Virginia play football; this year, I couldn’t get a ticket to actually go inside the stadium to watch the game.

Not being able to “get” a ticket is a little misleading, though, I suppose. In reality, I was in Charlottesville to party in FantasyLand, reunite with some good friends, and attend the various glorious tailgates that define a Saturday in Virginia. It had been far too long, with watching too many football games in New York City bars, and college football and all its pageantry is meant to be experienced in live and living color.

And it was Halloween on Friday. I had to play my part as Jimmy Hart, the Mouth of the South, as about 15 brothers of my fraternity class were attending the party as Early 90s WWF/WCW wrestlers. Mullets, face paint, outrageous facial hair, and neon were on display, and the Cap’t and Mammy even made an appearance at the party. Grand times all around.

Oh, and those ever-strengthening Florida Gators exacted their fullest revenge on the dastardly Bulldawgs of Georgia in the World’s Largest Cocktail party. The Gators seem quite likely to play in Atlanta for the SEC Championship, and for all the talk of the Big 12 this year, I refuse to believe any team that wins the SEC shouldn’t have a shot at the national title.

Perhaps a response to the Bobcats preview, desde:


Brethren (cont’d): Sorry I missed out on the Bobcats season preview from Nacho this past week, so here are some quick thoughts as we’re sitting at 1-2 after the first three games:

- Nacho hates Larry Brown; thinks he’s too old-school and the wrong fit for this team. He claims he won’t play the young-ins, to which I would like to respond: who on this team isn’t considered a “young-in”? Our Big 4 veterans, J-Rich, Mek, RayRay, GForce, have never reached an All-Star game collectively, and are all relatively young. They certainly all seem like they could all benefit from someone who can teach the game of basketball. Worried LB won’t play Jared Dudley? He’s already spot-starting over a woefully out of shape Sean May. Worried he won’t play Morrison? The Great Mustachio is somewhat resembling the scorer he was in college at Gonzaga – which may be just enough to get some trade value out him and try to find some frontcourt help. Who else is there that’s young and not being played?

- To your point about the draft: it isn’t LB making those decisions – that’d be Mr. Jordan. Yes, LB may have loudly stated he needs more talent at point guard and veered us away from a Brook Lopez with the 9th pick, but that’s because he understands that, especially in today’s game, having steady field generals to lead a team is the only way you can compete if you don’t have a mega-star. There’s a reason the same Pistons team LB turned into a Championship team hasn’t made it past the Eastern Conference Finals since he left.

- Hustle, defense, and moving the ball to find open shooters is the only way this team is going to overcome its very obvious deficiencies in the front court. Mek is a fine power forward/center – but isn’t and probably never will be at an elite frontcourt player. Sean May is woefully out of basketball shape. Nazr Mohammad, Ryan Hollins, and the Frenchie aren’t worth much more than the 6 fouls they each represent. It’s a woeful frontcourt, which means the GForce at the 4 Experiment may continue, much to all of our chagrins.

The thing is, who’s better at getting players to hustle, play defense, and move the ball than Larry Brown?

Yes, this roster isn’t going to wow you on paper. But if J-Rich can continue his solid play from the second-half of last season, LB finds ways to unleash the athleticism of GForce, and Ray-Ray steps it up, we have the makings of a team that can maximize its scrappy play and steal some ballgames on nights where we don’t expect it. It’s far from Championship Basketball, but it’s the best shot we have at turning around the MJ Era.

The Jump

Week 7: You're On, Leitch!

Nacho: Sorry for the late post; the Panthers systematic dismantling of the New Orleans Saints was just so impressive. And impressive has become the norm this season. The SportsBrethren haven't grown lazy, we're both hard at work at the day jobs, and this Panther team is a great one to get drunk to.

Jake looked great, our D stood their ground on not one, but two fourth downs, and in the end the Cats were atop the NFC South, along with the Pirates. We host a team we beat in their own house last year. I'd bet good money they're looking to do the same to us, and I hear someone might've had their jaw rewired, just to play us. This has all the makings of a game where we sleep on the visiting squad and end up getting embarrassed in front of our home fans. Beware, and be awesome, Cats.

Here and now, I make a bet. Before I do, everyone should know: I never gamble unless I'm certain I'm going to win. Anyway, here's the bet:

I'll be in New York City visiting Brethren for the Varsity Letters series with Big Daddy Drew and Buzz, November 7th thru 9th. I bet here & now the princely sum of one beer that the Carolina Panthers will defeat the Buzzsaw That Is The Arizona Cardinals, to you, Will Leitch.

If you're not in a wedding in Buffalo that weekend, that is.

Beer's in your court, Dawg.

Of course, if you wanna go all Mayors-Of-Super-Bowl-Teams, I'll put a pulled pork sandwich and one surviving national bank against whatever rural Illinois is known for (manners?), but in all honesty, beer's fine.

a video of a drunk pig, after....





The Jump

Week 6: The Suck

Brethren: This week's listless game on the road against Tampa was incredibly frustrating. The Panthers lost 27-3, but the worst part was that they never once seemed like they were in the game. It was gut-wrenching to watch, as the Panthers seemed sluggish, slow, ill-prepared, and like they simply didn't give a fuck.

The team is trying to spin it as just another loss -- that losing by 24 counts just as much as losing by 1. While that's certainly the right attitude for my team to have, it does not at all convey my emotions while watching this team two days ago.

My true anger has mostly subsided, as I'm doing the tried and true, "ignore-stomach-let the insides simmer" treatment that all great Cloud men employ, so that this bottled-up choler just festers inside, until one day, it'll come violently spilling out when aggressively drinking Grandpa's Old Cough Medicine.

Besides, I've got a full report from the Cap'n that's full of venom and froth. The jump'll contain that, some odd musings from me, and a report from Nacho -- who was at a wedding this weekend and didn't catch the game at all. Lucky him.

Follow me. Follow me to freedom...


Cap'n Pappy: OK here goes: In a weekend when my college teams (UVA and the Gators) refused to go down, the Panthers were pitiful. In the case of both college teams, the first half was well played. After the half, both teams' opponents made a run out of the chute. However, in both cases the Cavaliers and Gators shook off the pressure and instead of playing not to lose, they got aggressive and gutted it out to prevail.

Now we come to the Panthers. This game was so "shades of the last 2 years" in so many ways. The Panthers have fallen prey to playing the entire game the way they play the first series of downs. After a smokin' game against the Chiefs (yes, they are as bad as beef BBQ), they came to the Pirate Ship with more offensive weapons, a suffocating defense, and special teams vastly improved over last year. Whereupon, somehow Smitty got lost out there. Jake threw one way while his receivers broke the other. We got another freaking punt blocked!!!! And we continue to get motion penalties on offense.

In a mirror image nightmare reversal of my college teams, the Panthers come back at the end of the first half only to throw an interception, turning an almost certain less than 7 point deficit into a 2 touchdown deficit. We then come out from the halftime and promptly get punted onto the 1 yard line. Whereupon we run 3 times into the line and we're out. Thankfully, our end zone punt wasn't blocked. After this series, we were notably silent. Where was the 1-2 punch of DeAngelo and Stewart, the bestial defense of just last week, and the special teams that gave the Chiefs the back of their hand? They mailed it in.

Note to John Fox: "It is what it is" as a response to this week's Pirate Ship showing is not going to cut it. It is time to expect more from these professionals or bench/fine them.

You miss a block that costs points: go sit!

You flinch on the line and turn a 3d & 4 into a 3d & 9: go sit!

You arm tackle or try to bump somebody without wrapping them up or stripping them: go sit!

It is high time to earn the big bucks. Your fans are tired of choosing yard work over the second half of a Panthers' game. Out. Pappy

Brethren: I wasn't fuckin around. The Cap'n brung it. Just a few more musings, then perhaps Nacho will do a "Off the Beaten Path" post regaling us all with the wonderful world of weddings:

- Anyone else notice that the head ref for the Tampa-Carolina game gave "the shocker" whenever indicating third down? If we had won this game, I would have reported it with glee. Now, just seems odd.

- My good buddy and Bobcat employee, Eugene, is ready to patent his well-crafted "Back Up QB Theory" -- namely, that every time a team switches to its back-up QB the week leading up to the Panthers game, our Cats are guaranteed to lose that game. It's happened in both of our losses this year. It happened last year when the Falcons came to Charlotte and promoted John Joseph Harrington. It happened a few years back when Tony Romo got his first shot at starting. If this weren't such a hurtful theory on my Sunday emotional state, I'd be singing the praises of Eugene for recognizing the pattern.

- It's almost as if young Eugene's Theory is somehow connected to the fact that our coach is notorious for being stubborn. Fuck it, I said I wasn't gonna get angry, but here it comes. Honestly: down 14-0 early in the first quarter doesn't change your game plan at all, John Fox? You still think plowing head for 3 and outs will "establish" the running game. Our biggest gains on offense came in the fourth quarter, down 3 possessions, when Jake started running a somewhat urgent/no-huddle offense. And by then, our offense was so lulled to sleep, the receivers (Jarrett, Rosario, and yes, Steve Smith) all dropped passed. Shit, John Fox! Somedays establishing the run early can pay dividends. But when it's halftime, you're down 14 points, and nothing's going, it may be time to spice things up. Even the supposed ultra-conservative DAN HENNING has figured that out with his Wildcat offense down in Miami. Fuck.

- That anger didn't even come close to matching the Cap'n's. He does have a few years of the "bottling anger" routine on me.

- Anger over. Moving on to more important divisional home game against New Orleans. With a surprisingly competitive NFC South, it's time to take back some control.
The Jump

Week 5: Playing the JV

Brethren: I witnessed the Carolina Panthers absolute and utter destruction of the Kansas City Chiefs in live and living color from Section 539 in Bank of America Stadium this early afternoon -- and let me tell you, it was nearly unbelievable how thoroughly the Panthers beat another team from the National Football League.

It's not that I think the Panthers are the best team ever and the Chiefs are the worst, but that 34-0 drubbing clearly showed that on certain days, the Panthers can do whatever they want on a football field. The defense set the tone from their very first series, forcing the Chiefs into negative yards and a punt. The running game then set the table, opening huge holes and cutback opportunities for DeAngelo Williams and Johnathan Stewart. That then opened up the passing game, getting Smitty involved and unleashing Moose on a slant that went for 47 yards and a TD.

It was as complete a game as I've seen over the last few years. The game honestly reminded me of the Giants and Bears playoff games from the 2005 year, except back then, that was just Smitty dominating opponents. Today, it was the defense, priding themselves on getting that goose-egg; the running game, controlling the clock and breaking off big plays, and Jake, stewarding an efficient throat-slashing of a clearly inferior opponent.

Today was brutal. Today was beautiful. Today was hopefully the very beginning of a long march towards February. It's the kind of game that lets you start dreaming big as you board your plane from Charlotte to New York. It lets you think, "I wonder how this team would fare against someone its own size."

Today, the motherfucking Carolina Panthers put their stamp on a game, and even if it was against a team that looked like a JV squad, it doesn't happen often in the NFL.

More musings, desde:


Brethren (cont'd): There's really not much more to say, but here are a few patented bulleted thoughts:

- The platoon system at running back is certainly working. Williams had his big game we've all been waiting for, but you have to recognize that having Stewart to spell him and keep the ground game working had to keep him sharp and in shape to bust out the big plays.

- Not enough can be said about the defense. Utterly dominant today. From Pep and the quick front four, to the ball-hawking LBs, to the white-on-rice DBs, it was a full unit effort. Quite impressive to watch.

- Being at the stadium definitely let you in on some things you don't catch on TV. Like the way Pep waves his hand at the crowd behind the end zone, egging on them to scream louder and taunting the opposing huddle. That was cool to see.

- And the TopCats are hot, even when they're not doing their lesbian things.

Nacho's got more, but onwards and upwards to a divisional rival I truly despise next week as the Cats travel to Tampa to face the Bucs. If today was about taking care of business early and often, next week will definitely be about taking control of the division. Let's do it.

Nacho: I wore a cape and dressed a stuffed monkey in a full Carolina Panthers uniform to the bar yesterday. The Panthers' surgical removal of the heart from the still-beating chest cavities of the Chiefs was a fun one to watch as a fan. I enjoyed swapping "DeAngelo Williams is frustrating a lot of people on their fantasy benches" barbs and eventually spent my day focused on the Redskins/Iggles game.

The Panthers rolled, and we eventually put Josh "Chainsaw" McCown under center. I led a rousing chorus of "Hail to the Redskins" after every score. Heck, Nick Goings saw significant play time. It was a great day of one o'clock games, and another middling day of 4pms.

Now, of course, the real season begins. We're through almost a third of the season, and we played one team with a winning record. Tampa Bay, again, is a hard team to read, but they seem to be squeezing out victories left and right. Everybody's talking about the NFC East and how good they are but I think they're gonna beat each other up so much, it's gonna be the other team with a bye week in the first round whose most dangerous. Mark my words.

Onward to that place that has a fucking Pirate Ship attached to it.
The Jump

Week 4: Definition of Comfortable Win

Brethren: Last Sunday the Carolina Panthers played the closest team to them in distance, the Atlanta Falcons, a team that was a surprising 2-1 coming in. I don't like the Falcons, but I'm more annoyed when the Panthers lose to them than anything. Not mad; not raging; just annoyed and disappointed.

Luckily for me, I was just simply content on Sunday. The Panthers controlled the game in all facets and even though the score was close until the third quarter, I never felt a real fear that the Panthers wouldn't prevail.

It was a comfortable win, and it was very delectable to go about my Sunday knowing that I could check "Panthers beat Falcons" of my things to do on a busy Sunday.

More musings looking back, desde:


Brethren (cont'd): Some quick patented bulleted thoughts:

- Moose. Sweet, sweet Moose. He really is better the second time around. I love the guy.

- Jake. Efficient, fiery Jake. He put up a gaudy good QB rating and kept the game in control.

- BeasTon and Thomas Davis. Ball-hawking and ferocious BeasTon and Davis. This duo of LBs is becoming increasingly fun to watch. The fly to the ball; BeasTon led the game in tackles, Davis had the most out-of-nowhere great tackle, busting through the line in the second half for a six-yard loss of Michael Turner.

- Even the problems of the Atlanta game seemed harmless: a bobbled punt by Baker leading to a field goal, and too many penalties. They were cute problems, almost.

I never felt the game was in doubt, which is how I like my Sundays to be. After a hectic two days of the week, I'm back home in Charlotte, gearing up to watch the Chefs (great googily moogily) battle the Cats on Sunday. I'll be doing my rowdy thing in Section 539.

Onwards and upwards to 4-1!

Nacho: For the first time in two seasons, I voluntarily spent a Sunday where the Panthers played away from The Bar, and not in a stadium. I traveled to Little Mexico, with it's 3 HD tvs in the living room, all of ample 50"+ size. The food was delectable (BBQ Chicken sliders on Hawaiian sweet bread), and the banter was lively.

The game started off with a bang, a Pick Six on the first series. That was called back. Because of Eddie Hoc. Fuck and no. Either way, it was a good omen for this new viewing experience. The game progressed, we kept a weary eye on the New Orleans game, and feasted like fatted Romans.

As Brethren said, it was a comfortable win with some cute flaws. I'm starting to get my dander up about these Tight Ends and their False Starts. It's week 4 fellas, less reign this shit in before we have to play some one good.

The Chiefs are coming off a startling upset against the Broncos, but I don't fear them too much. They were desperate for their first win, and could have residual swagger. Nothing fires up a team like pissing off someone else's fans in their own home. Trust me, I was in San Diego for week one.

So I hope the Cats stay focused, I hope the continue to platoon the backfield and make Moose a vital part of the offense. BeasTon looks like he's gonna make some involuntary manslaughter by Week 8. We're in the thick of a homestand that should progressively rile up the Southerners across this great nation of ours. We're gonna need that good mojo for when we play away from Charlotte in the 2nd half of the season.

Sorry for the late post, but seriously, that was about as boring as a Panther win can be. I'll take it. One last note: Little Mexico resident Ricky looked over his fantasy stats and announced, "We need to get Smithy involved in the offense more." Within the next six seconds Steve Smith had connected with Jake Delhomme and God used the juke-stick to spin move around the Atlanta defensive backfield. Well played, Ricky. Well played indeed.
The Jump

Week 3: Snap Back to Reality

Brethren: The Carolina Panthers came back down to Earth yesterday and I'm still not quite sure what to make of it. Losing to a desperate 0-2 Vikings team on the road, against a pass rush that looked remarkable, I suppose I'm not terribly upset. I was yesterday afternoon, but it wasn't as if I watched the game and thought, "Damn, we should have won that game." The Vikings outplayed the Panthers, stole the momentum late in the second quarter and never gave it back.

It was incredibly frustrating to watch the Vikings reel off 20 straight and see little to no fight out of the Panthers. Yes, if a few things had gone our way -- if the Jonathan Stewart kick return isn't negated, if John Fox doesn't call a timeout right before we block a field goal to keep it to a one possession game -- we may have had an opportunity to do the Cardiac Cats thing. But there were also a terrible amount of mental mistakes -- 11 penalties, an ineffective offensive line, and letting the Vikings uncork an eleven minute drive that spanned the second half of the third quarter into the fourth -- that truly made me realize Sunday was not our day.

The implications? Hopefully not too much. Four of the next five are at home (I'm going to the Kansas City game in two weeks!), but shit needs to get figured out, that's for sure. The Falcons always give us trouble, no matter their record, and right now, their record says they're just as good as us. I don't believe that, but I do believe we're in for a fight come Sunday.

More thoughts, desde:

Brethren (cont'd): My patented bulleted thoughts regarding the Cats first loss of the 2008 season:

- 1st play of the game for the Cats: completion to Steve Smith. That just seemed right. Too bad Jake couldn't get it to him more as the day went on.

- Jake claims that Smitty was streaking and wide open on the play he fumbled on right before the first half, and that he was gearing up to hit him. I'd like to believe him, but it just makes me angry. I kinda agree with Fowler and wonder how he didn't see Winfield coming.

- Two ominous signs from the week that looking back at I wish I could have taken more heed of: a) The call I received from Chops where he mentioned the last time the Panthers played a back-up coming for his first game of the year, Tony Romo busted us up something fierce and b) Me acting like I know when football lines are absurd.

- I've been to Minnesota more times in 2008 than I've been to Charlotte. I didn't take the pre-game tequila shot with Pam (I did the first two weeks and we won). And still, if anyone wants to blame me for this loss, I'd point them to J-Lew, who watched his first Panthers game of the year yesterday. Silly J-Lew.

Nacho: I sat in The Bar in front of our designated, prime real-estate seats to watch the Panthers play football on Sunday morning, and a funny thing happened. They didn't.

All week I taunted downtrodden Bears fans, exalting how insignificant I thought this Sunday's game was. They're starting Gus Frerotte and won't have [a 100%] Adrian Peterson! Brian McKinnie's still suspended and a rookie's going up against Pep! I might not be too embarrassed to wear his jersey! I said.

Then I wore my Panthers undershirt for the first time this season, watched my first game without my Goose (Ricky, a transplanted diehard Cardiac Cat lover, spent the day of the Emmys at Leonardo DiCaprio's house filming celebrity Obama endorsements. Ricky's priorities are incredibly out of whack. He wrote jealously...) and I totally forgot about Jared Allen. Apparently, the Panthers did the same thing. Not film Obama endorsements. Forget about Jared Allen.

Brethren covered the game too well for me to talk about it, so I'll just say this:

After Johnathan Stewart scored his third touchdown in 2 weeks (while remaining on my fantasy bench) I picked up the Panther bucket I had and beat it ferociously as my velcro Sir Purr hung from my neck. After an appropriate amount of elation, a young woman behind me tapped me on the shoulder. She stated simply, "My uncle played for the Panthers, and I gotta say, you rock. I miss good ol' Panther fans."

"Whose your uncle?" I asked.

"Rodney Peete."

Had I my digital camera, a lithograph, or the syrup-based artistic skills of Jean-Michel Basquiat I would've done something to keep that moment forever. We talked about how without Peete's guidance, there would be no Jake Delhomme and how meaningful and significant his time there was. I don't remember her name because I was drunk on power and Bud Light by then, but she was a Bengals fan and a pretty cool chick to say the least.

Anyway, I hear the Panthers are playing next week, so that's what I'm focusing on. The Dirty Birds look decent this year, but the guy who traditionally beats the shit out of us won't be starting this week (pulled hamstring. Also, he's in prison.) so there's a chance we can pull this out. It'd be a solid win and a great start to a semi-home stand.
The Jump

The Return to College Football

Brethren: It's Saturday morning and college football is beckoning. I haven't had college football beckon me in quite some time. Between the Carolina Panthers giggly-good start at 2-0 (really, we're 3.5 underdogs to the Vikings? With craziness like that, I should just bet on football to make a living), my job, the suck that is Al Groh and Virginia football, combined with a general lack of epic-ness from college football, my Saturdays have been scarce on beckoning.

That changes today.

It mainly changes because the Southeastern Conference has a huge billing today. The Gators go to Knoxville to play the Vols and the two Tigers of Auburn and LSU do their thang in the evening. I am geared up to go to a Gators bar the same way I did last year for the Gators-Vols game; unfortunately, the Cap't and Mammy won't be at the game like last year, but it's still ramping up to be a romp a la the Gators 59-20 win in Gainesville in 2007. Percy Harvin is returning to the line-up and feeling better than ever, the Gators take on their first SEC test, and the Florida boys treat Knoxville like it's Momma's second house.

Yes, college football has come a'beckoning. And with the weather taking a delectable turn to cool breezes and sunshine, today feels like a fine day to return the call.

More musings de college football desde


Brethren: I am truly fired up about this Saturday. The SEC has reaffirmed its dominance over any other pansy conference in all of college football land, and today will be a testament to that. The conference has 5 of the top 10 teams in college football! And today, the consensus #4 team will take its show on the road and show Fat Phil what good football in the SEC East is all about.

Perhaps Nacho will check in, but he lives in a city where everyone worships USC, and despite their demolition of UVA and Ohio State, I'm just not buying what USC is selling. They play in the Pac-10; they're not the best team in the US of A. The top team in the country will be an SEC team, like the past two years, and that's that.

Saturday, I welcome your beckons. Let's get it on.
The Jump

Week 2: Rock N Roll

Nacho: Anyone who read our Panthers preview is probably smugly smiling today, and probably a little richer. Which, I hear, could prove better for the ol' wallet. I'm not advocating gambling on sports, but it just feels a little safer these days.

I returned to my Panther headquarters out in Hollywood this weekend. The most ADD environment one can possibly watch football: Big Wangs. 42 flat screens showing every game being played. We camped out between Lions fans, Colts fans and a few shifty-looking Bears fans.

The game started, we ate humble pie, things looked about as good as they have at home for the past couple years. By halftime I was on the receiving end of some pretty pointed barbs and hilarious insults. I chomped on my barbeque chicken wings and smiled with sauce in my beard: the game is sixty minutes long, kids. Why does every team in the NFL not get this? We're the Panthers. We don't play for three quarters, we play the whole damn game.

Anyway, two more towers of beer and a cheese pizza later the Panthers had eked out another victory, snatching victory from the jaws of defeat. There truly isn't a more anti-climactic ending to a pro game than four knees taken, but hey, a W is a W.

For the record, I'm getting a ton of de ja vu recently: in 2003 there was a shitty, war-mongering president named Bush in office and no one could beat the Panthers in the fourth quarter. Welcome back, Cardiac Cats.

and now, for something completely similar...



Nacho cont'd: Jonathan Stewart taught me a valuable lesson about not starting him in my fantasy leagues, and I have a feeling the phrase "Pass intended for Mushin Muhammed" was not said over the PA system nearly as much as last week. The turning point in the game, the moment that made me turn to all those probably-felonious Bears fans and say, "Oh dear, you don't have a chance, now," was when Jake was spearheaded by a Bear defensive back, sprang up, threw off his helmet and started pounding his chest. Minutes later Beason made a spectacular tackle and started slapping his own chest. These two unbridled displays of enthusiasm and testosterone sealed the deal for the Cats.

One last note: Darius Rucker sang the national anthem yesterday. The two other previous times he's sung it, the Panthers have made the post season. These are the things that matter, people.

Brethren: Week Two didn't have the heart-stopping drama like the Week One victory over San Diego did. But it certainly was a roller coaster, and it took me though all the highs and lows of a Carolina Panthers win. I'm physically and emotionally exhausted, and all I did was scream at a TV and drink beer made from the Rockies.

It was an awesome comeback win -- done without our best player, the suspended Steve Smith. I am downright giddy we've got him coming back next week; as Jake said, "we've got our rocket back."

And now to the Brethren patented bulleted thoughts:
- The first half was downright sloppy. I really don't understand the outrageous amount of false starts. I seem to remember at least six. Not cool. Not cool.

- We need a nickname for Jonathan Stewart. Two weeks in, and he's nickname-worthy. I love that he has stated his goal of trying to become the "greatest running back in NFL history." That's badass. And not even remotely outrageous.

- Moose was huge today, and has been a big reason this team has gotten out to a 2-0 record without Steve Smith. What a veteran, a leader. I love the guy. Feels right to have him back.

- The Cap't bought a BeasTON black jersey today. It was an awesome sign for another banner day from the second-year defensive stalwart.

- Chris Harris, at it again with the forcing of the fumble. He is the awesome. Rock.

- Minnesota scares me a bit, as they'll be a desperate 0-2. But fuck that, they should be scared we're getting Steve Smith back. Rock.
The Jump

Week 1: The Start of Domination

Nacho: I am currently sporting the most ridiculous red neck at this moment. It's in the shape of a V-neck. I stood/leaned in the first row at the 35 yard line behind the Panther bench. At a quiet moment I shrieked a complete sentence to Chris Harris, something about "acknowledge my existence!!!" He stuck out both hands as he rode on the stationary bike, and gave me a double-thumbs up. I'll be back in a bit...

Brethren: Wow.

Holy shit, what a first week win. Going into the Whale's Vagina, not a many pundits gave the Panthers of Carolina a chance to win the first game of the season. That didn't matter. Nacho was at the game; therefore, we had a fighting chance. And Jeebus, did we give the Chargers a game.

Much will be said about the heroics of Jake, Dante Rosario, Chris Harris, and the two-minute offense. And at the end of day, they won the game in those last seconds. But what I watched was not a close, two-point win. I saw a team that dominated a ridiculously talented AFC team on the road. I saw a team go up 9-7 at the half when they should have been up 28-7. I saw a team that looked confident. And dominant.

I saw the Carolina Panthers.


Brethren (cont'd): Smokey aka Nacho was at the game, so I'm not sure I can add much more. Here are my patented bulleted thoughts:

- I watched the game in a bar in Murray Hill in Manhattan that consisted of many Panthers fans. We had an awesome crowd.

- I jumped up and down in men's arms after that last-second touchdown. I was so angry that Jake didn't call a timeout when the clock read 0:07. But then he threw a slant to Moose, and called time with 0:02 seconds left. He then did his business, caught Dante's eyes, threw him the ball, and won the game. I was no longer angry. I was estatic.

- Honestly, we won that game several times. The defense produced a TD; they kept LDT under 100 yards; we just couldn't get into the end zone until the end there. We should have won this game going away.

- That said, we beat a consensus AFC playoff team. On the road. As I stated on Deadspin, we are the Carolina Panthers and the NFL has been put on notice.

Nacho: I'm fairly certain I sat closer to a pro football game than anyone in my family ever has. But before all that, I had to get to San Diego. Ricky & I hopped on the 6:33am subway to downtown LA, jumped into the Surfliner to San Diego, and sat next to a old acquaintance we'd met once before: an original Top Cat Panther cheerleader.

We arrived at the Power Party outside Qualcomm Stadium around 10:30 and I made a bee line for the tri-tip BBQ hoagie. At this point, we were about eight beers in, and we were welcomed by the pretty swell Chargers fans. Everyone talked about Brady, & we decided to take a walk of cojones through the tailgates. We were loudly, and rowdily heckled on all sides by drunk Chargers fans. It was as intimidating as the walk Ethan Hawke does through the Jungle in "Training Day".

We found our seats, but moved immediately to the first row, leaning over the railing, and commenced shrieking like banshees. We did not stop drinking, heckling, antagonizing and going out of our daggum minds for three straight quarters. The weather was perfect, the fans were evenly split between really cool people, and fans who made decent villains.

As the 4th quarter swung to and fro, and the Chargers scored with about two and a half minutes, my commentary to the crowd was "But did they score too soon?" The guy with face paint and a cape cocked a worried eyebrow. As Biscuit Defender drove the boys downfield and the clock kept ticking, John Fox didn't make one misstep. This was one of the specific situations in which John Fox had been shitting the bed in recent seasons, and he nailed it.

From my vantage point, I saw that the snap was high, Jake's pump fake fooled me, and then, in one glorious moment, I saw Rosario leap up and nary a Charger was at the same height. As soon as his fingers touched the ball I tuned, ripped my Peppers jersey off, and started waving it around my head like a helicopter. In times of great joy, I revert to the biggest stereotype I can.

The Chargers fans were nowhere to be found, so we led the Panther fans in a chorus of chants and cheers. Walking out of the stadium we yelled multiple instigating phrases, such as "We can't spell, but we win ball games." and, "That's why they make the game sixty minutes, and not fifty-nine minutes and fifty-eight seconds." We were clever.

The trolley system had some trouble, y'know, running but we eventually made our way onto the train home. Where we slept with smiles upon our faces. For a day, we were kings.

One last note: did you know that Sam Cassell would be ejected from NFL games for doing his "you got no mah-bulls" dance from Major League 2? Myself and some Chargers did the dance, and the cops came up and reprimanded my cohort Ricky for it. Thanks, Goodell.

Soundtracks for the Day:

Nacho: The theme from Mercenaries 2 "Oh No You Didn't"
Brethren: "More Time" by Needtobreathe.
The Jump

And Heeeere We Go.

Brethren: My brother, aka Nacho aka Smokey aka the most hilarious guy I know, just sent me that text message. He's en route to the Whale's Vagina as we speak, and I'm waking up, trying to understand why my head and right fist hurt, but not caring. I have a bar to get to; Smokey has a game to go to.

Because that time is here: the Carolina Panthers play a motherfucking football game today.

And this time, it counts. See you after the Cats do their thang.
The Jump

Rocking the Vote: Intro Music For The Candidates - UPDATE

Nacho: Ignoring all the other shit lets examine John McCain's choice for Vice President, shall we.

Bottom line: she's a dead ringer for the stripper/teacher from "Varsity Blues" (NSFW) and should be treated as such. Pedro?

When Sarah Palin was introduced and walked out to the theme of "Rudy", one of the seminal pieces of film composition, she raised the bar for candidate intros, and thusly, I will set forth to re-appropriate new music for the others, after...

(Editor's note: a loyal friend and reader reminded me that, outside of movie themes, the absolute best intro music for Barack would be the Chicago Bulls Searching Spotlight theme. Also, it turns out Sarah Palin's high school nickname was Sarah Barracuda, which is coincidentally my porn name.)




Nacho cont'd: Damn, man....Rudy. She really swung for the fences on this one. Luckily, there are equally epic scores to choose from. Let us begin...

JOHN McCAIN It won't pump up a crowd, it won't ignite passions in the hearts of many, but dangit, when I see John McCain walk out onto that convention floor I'm thinking the theme from Clint Eastwood's "Unforgiven." Eastwood was mayor of Carmel and seems to enjoy him some Republican politics, so it just makes sense.



ALTERNATE: Considering McCain's military career, he should march out onstage to the whistle theme from "Stripes"



BARACK OBAMA: Considering how epic his entire campaign has been, there's really only one option, the launch sequence from "Armaggeddon". It's so over-the-top, it just fits. Besides, when the asteroids attack I'd much rather have Obama with his finger on the cellphone to Bruce Willis, than McCain. Obama's a celebrity, so they probably Twitter one another, like, every day.



ALTERNATE: Another launch sequence, this one from "Apollo 13". Just as moving as Trevor Rabin's work.



JOE BIDEN: I want Biden to be a little more downbeat in his badassery, so I'm suggesting the theme from "Pleasantville" by Randy Newman. Check out this piece around the 1:30 mark. E. PIC.



ALTERNATE: Barring the soft tones of Newman, I say kick it up a notch and go with the theme from "The Rock" because it's pretty much the only score Hanz Zimmer has written in the past 15 years.



SARAH PALIN: She struck gold with the "Rudy" theme, but just for shits and giggles I'd like to see her come out to the main score from "True Romance". It's seems like it would be uber-cute.



Here's the video to her intro:



I welcome your suggestions in the comments.
The Jump

Bad Idea Jeans & Marcellus Morris

Nacho: Funny story, the matriarch of the SportsBrethren forbid both Brethren from watching the film "Pulp Fiction" until we were both at least 15. This was not because of the rampant drug use, graphic violence, or salty language. No, it was because our dear mother fought tooth and nail to ensure that her baby boys never knew anything about sodomy. Yep, the male rape scene was the ONLY thing Mammy objected to us seeing.

Naturally, when we both finally did see it (long before our 15th birthdays) the male raping barely registered a blip on our radars. We were entirely too engrossed with all the surrounding badassery to care about the butt pirates. In fact, the only thing we really remember about the scene is that Bruce Willis uses a samurai sword to TCB.

I bring up Marcellus Wallace and his anus because it would appear that someone else named Marcellus is into some no-so-legal things in Charlotte these days. Namely, stealing cars. His most recent victim: Panther rookie Jeff Otah.

A word of advice to Mr. Marcellus Morris: I sincerely hope you have high-tailed it outta Charlotte. Pulling two guns on a 6'6", 340 pound dude usually doesn't end well for anyone.

For a brief description of the fate the SportsBrethren imagine is in Marcellus Morris's future, follow us, after...



Caution: foul language afoot!



Brethren: I have to admit: my mind did not immediately go to the Gimp scene from Pulp Fiction when hearing about Jeff Otah's theft. But that's what makes the big guy the big guy. Well served, Nacho.

We gots to get around to our Offense side of the ball previews and we've got about a week and a half to do it. We're on it.
The Jump

Baby Pools

Nacho: So that happened. So it was, so it always shall be. The Cats got out to a commanding, early lead and managed to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.

As I looked over our roster the other day, one giant red flag kept signaling: we're not an especially deep team. This weakness was exposed during the biblically-weathered preseason game against the Eagles from Philly last night. Our starters owned theirs; our defense clamped and shut down the Iggles' running game. I'll admit Donovan McNabb looked pretty dang good, despite his team's lack of receivers with what the ol' folks call "hands". I'll also admit that Philly's O-line straight pancaked our front four like it was nobody's business.

Now that we've been all nice and shit, follow us after the jump to hear our thoughts on the Cats, after...

Nacho cont'd: I wonder how accurate of a representation this game was of both team's true potential. That lightning delay in the first quarter prolly wasn't exactly what Biscuit Defender would've wanted. You get all ramped up, and within ten minutes, you're back in the locker room, getting yelled at. Seems like athletic blue balls, so, with that in mind, I'm apt to think the Panthers and Eagles weren't the same team we'll see in the regular season.

Jake ran the offense with assurance, DeAngelo Williams penetrated holes like a porn star and our defense was freaking solid...

Then the 2nd half started. Our 2nd string and then our scrubs came in and proceeded to get their yards stomped. In the parlance of the 1950s, our jocks were eaten. While Jonathan Stewart looked promising our 2nd string D needs to learn how to tackle. Our back ups need to step it up if the Cats are gonna do anything this season, as we aren't exactly known to stay healthy for whole seasons. We're about as deep as baby pools at this point, and that ain't good.

Two last notes: with a receiving corp. of Steve Smith, DJ Hackett, Moose and Jarrett and a tandem of Stewart and DeAngelo, my expectations for a high powered offense are growing. Also: kudos to Richard Marshall for providing the first real highlight of the season.

Now for the east coast feed...
The Jump

The Panthers on National News and No Response from the Brethren? My word.

Brethren: There are a various sundry of reasons that Nacho and I have taken a little under a week to post about the Steve Smith happenings. But the only one that matters goes back to this here mission statement: the Sports Brethren came about as a way for two wayward, cross-country brethren to keep in contact over the things that matter: the Carolina Panthers, drunken musings, and boobs.

And so it just happens to be that the same day Steve Smith decided to introduce his fist to Ken Lucas's eye socket, the Sports Brethren just happened to both be flying to the Outer Banks of North Carolina for five days of suns'out'guns'out, burs, delectable meals, and family trash talk.

But nary you worry your pretty little heads, we ranted, raved, and guffawed about the Cats all week long. We do have some thoughts, I have gathered what I can recall, and we'd like to share what we think, desde:


Brethren (cont'd): First up, Steve Smith: am I pissed that he is suspended for the first 2 games against some potentially tough opponents? Yes. Do I agree with the decision the Panthers made? Yes. Do I think this will cost the Panthers the season? Not at all.

Steve Smith wants to prove he's the most baddest muthafucka on the field at all times. I'm down with that -- it makes him tenacious, it makes him explosive, it makes him the most talented player on our roster. It can also make him an idiot who doesn't think about the consequences of breaking a teammate's nose.

The thing that really impressed me about the whole "star receiver beating up star cornerback" debacle was how the Panthers as a team showed their true colors: upper management wouldn't stand for this behavior, the captains (Jake, Moose, et al) spoke openly and honestly with the media, and both Lucas and Smith seemed to play the situation right: Lucas forgiving, Smith remorseful and determined to build back what he burned down. I'm glad this incident didn't become a Farvian circus, as it easily could have become. I'm glad the vocal leaders took charge and would not let their season derail before getting out of the station. I think we'll all look back and say, "Oh yea, didn't Steve Smith get suspended for those first two games for some reason?"

But then again, I'm the kind of guy who will find whatever silver lining can be found when it comes to the Panthers. I'll believe anything (because I know the Panthers kick fucking ass). So now I'm hoping that maybe Steve Smith needed a reminder that he's got a bit of HST in him. He needed to know that the Edge... there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over. Yea, that sounds right.

And now that he knows, he's ready to come back badder, meaner, and ready to fuck up some Viking ass come Week 3.

Beyond the Smith news, there were things to discuss in SpantanburgLand: Peppers seems poised to have a big year, the O-Line has gotten massive and is doing well, and oh yea, bring on Peyton this weekend. More than that, well, it was probably just drunken rambling between Capt, Nacho, Mammy, Sisterin and Brethren.
The Jump

It's July! Football's coming soon! D-BACKS EDITION

Nacho: About a month ago, I went to see a production of "A Chorus Line" in downtown Los Angeles. Ostensibly, I was there because a fellow former Hawk was in the show, but afterwards, I found myself thinking quite deeply about the show.

Let me abundantly clear: "A Chorus Line" is the gayest musical I've ever seen. If you had absolutely no experience with live theater, and went to see "A Chorus Line" you would undoubtedly walk away with the certainty that everyone involved in the arts is damaged, gay, and obnoxiously emotional...which is pretty much what you can say about a football fan during the summer.

Except the gay thing. I love boobs.

So, without further ado, lets move onto Training Camp. First practice starts today, and if there's anyone in Spartanburg singing "Got I hope I get it. How many boys does he need?" it's definitely, the D-Backs.

Nacho cont'd: Currently, the Panthers roster lists fourteen different Cornerbacks and Safeties. Methinks not all of them will make the final cut. So, in the interest of boredom, lets talk about the favorites:

Ken Lucas, CB: He took over as emotional leader for the squad last year and did alright by it. He's a steady cover guy, makes tackles, and will be an great asset for the 3 rooks. I can't wait for the first time Kenny does something that makes me bolt upright from table, causing all the booze to spill.

Chris Gamble, CB: Chris lives up to his name. He's just as likely to make me spew expletives as he is to make me make some wildly irrational argument for his inclusion onto the Supreme Court. Gamble guarantees for the year: he will miss coverage, he will miss tackles, but he will be a deciding factor in at least two wins this year.

Richard Marshall, CB: Marshall's consistently shown improvement in his three years in the league. He's got some of the best pivot feet I've seen since Rik Smits and when he makes a move on a lazy pass, you can take it to the bank that he'll come down with it. His 5'11" stature hasn't been that big of a problem, but it just feels like all the receivers are 6'5" these days.

Chris Harris, S: Finally, a Safety. Chris Harris runs like a gazelle, can chase down any of the leading RBs in the league, and generally has a pretty good move on the ball. He'll cause consternation and frustration but there's hardly a better Alamo/Last Line of Defense I'd want more.

Terrence Holt, S: Terrence anchors the safety position for the Cats. He's a seasoned vet, he's a local boy from Greensboro, and I just feel better knowing at least one player on the field has sweet tea coursing through his veins.

Charles Godfrey, S: We took him in the third round, so he better cause no less than four boners this season. He had a breakout year last year and seems like a sniper. Chaz probably has the best chance to the BEASTon of the D Backs this year.

Joe Fields, Darren Toney, CJ Wilson These guys are all young, and could potentially blossom into players, but only time will tell.

Ricardo Colclough, CB: Easily the team's resident ladies' man. Just on the squad to teach Dante Wesley, Quinton Teal, Nate Salley, and Curtis Deloatch how to take down sluts.


IT'S HERE! IT'S HERE! IT'S FINALLY HERE! TRAINING CAMP STARTED AND WE JUST SIGNED JONATHAN STEWART!!!!!!
The Jump

It's July! Football's coming soon!

Brethren: Is it really July 11th? That means football is nary but a few scant weeks from training camp, which means the Panthers are that much closer to my life, which means a very real and important part of my being becomes a little more alive.

And fortunately for the Brethren, the Carolina Panthers have more than enough going on where their name gets brought up in all sorts of media conversations.

First off, there's the Favre thing. Now he's not my one true hate -- which may be one of the most thoroughly readable, relatable, and enjoyable columns about the goodness of hate ever -- but he's certainly not my starting quarterback. And this is important: I think I can say for most Panthers fans, that "Brett Favre making Brett Favre plays" is not what we want come September when we take the field for the first time in 2008 in the Whale's Vagina.

I want Jake Delhomme feeling spry as the chicken that becomes the delicious Bojangles' chicken biscuit. Dammit, Jake's our Biscuit Avenger! He's our boy to love unconditionally. He may not be the best quarterback out there, but fuck it, he's ours. He's fiery. He's Cajun. He and the most talented, tenacious player on our team, Steve Smith, have a great relationship -- on the field and off. He's taken us to the Super Bowl (when was the last time Favre did that?). Our team fell apart last year without him. He has earned the right to be the starting quarterback of this team.

So no, Brett Favre, you are not welcome to come in and try to fuck that up. I'll gladly take you as long as you know you're second fiddle to Jake Delhomme. Yes, Mr. All-Time TD and Passing Yards Record Holder, if you dare come here, you dare to hold a clipboard.

This is Jake's team.

More Panthers musings, desde


Brethren: Ugh, glad we got that out of the way. Fortunately, there's even more to talk about the Panthers. Like, for instance, the 2008 season!

It's fucking sweet the season's right around the corner. And while that might not technically be true because we're still a solid 8 weeks away from a meaningful game, it definitely is that part of the year where my brain says, "Oh shit, is that the hot July air I smell? That means football players should be sweating in Spartanburg soon!"

Nacho and I will be rolling out our full Panthers previews in the coming weeks, but rest assured, this team is on our minds. The Panthers historically play best when no one expects them to do well -- which is why I hated this software -- but we're getting to the point that, as we enter the 14th season of this franchise's history, I enter July honestly believing we're winning it all.

Because the Panthers will. They've got Jake at QB, Smitty and Moose out wide, a barn full of speedy, hard-hitting linebackers, the sleeping giant that is Pep, a bruising rookie RB to complement the speedy and fantastically mustiachoed DeAngelo Wiliams, and the Fox/Hurney era with a sense of urgency ne'er seen before. Yes, ladies and gents, 2008 is the year the Carolina Panthers will dominate the NFL.

Welcome to it.

Nacho: I"m gonna let y'all in on a lil secret. Ever since Football ended, I still get up redonkulously early on the weekends. Why? Through the magic of transference I've redirected my love of the pigskin, into a love of the Food Network. Seeing as how ESPN will shove this Favre silliness down our throats for the next four weeks, I figure I'll need something to keep me occupied. Take that ESPN; my ass belongs to the Neelys!

Luckily, my fattening infatuation will pass soon and I can get back to the real work at hand, blindly loving the greatest football squad in all the land. As an added bonus, it would appear yours truly will be in attendance for the season opener, seeing as how Komrad Goodell was nice enough to ask the Panthers to come out to San Diego for week 1. Don't think for a second I've forgotten all those Panthers/Redskins games where Norv was at the helm. First guarantee of the season: Panthers beat the Chargers in their own house. Take that to the bank!

There's lots to cover over the coming weeks, and you can rest assured the Brethren are on top of it all. Favre's welcome to come to Carolina, as long as he's only employed after The Defender of Fresh Biscuits goes down. Not unlike poo, he's number two.

Strap in and enjoy an overflowing amount of coverage of a small market team with few ties outside of the geographical headquarters.

And now, there's much to do before I head out to go see the one and only Ricky Gervais.
The Jump

I Can Haz Lottery Pick?

Nacho: The NBA Draft is looming and the Bobcats have the ninth pick. Everyone seems to be jonesing for big man, which I wholeheartedly agree with. However, with the lottery being the way it is this year, who knows what'll be left for us.

Alls I'm saying is we've been burned by scrappy white guys before.



Either way, I hope we go big or go home. By which I mean I hope we draft a big guy or pull a J Rich and trade for someone awesome.

Brethren, your thoughts?


Nacho: Brethren's thoughts go here.

Brethren: And here they be:

I was all about the Bobcats taking Kevin Love back in March/April, but I've heard enough of that argument above from Nacho to back down a little. But then I see YouTube clips like this and I kinda wish we do draft him.

I've heard a lot about the UCLA point guard, and I think that'd be ok. But I'm definitely hoping for a big guy, so that with the 38th pick, the Bobcats pick UVA point guard Sean Singletary. Yea, he might be a little undersized, but he's a floor general who will play hard and is coachable (things Larry Brown is looking for).

So yea, if the Bobcats came away with Kevin Love and Sean Singletary, I'd be an extremely happy fan come end of draft night.
The Jump