Nacho: We didn't know we were looking for someone whom we could connect with on a visceral, kinetic level. We weren't searching for our patron saint. We never intended to fall in love.
But we did.
Hollywood Ryan Kalil is just that special.
Through his funny, insightful "diary" Ryan's quickly become our favorite Panther. Brethren will guide you through the highlights of his blog, while I'll toss turpentine on the fires of your Mantasies, after
Brethren: See Mr. Hollywood there?
He's the one next to Will Ferrell.
Rookie center Ryan Kalil seems to be quite the addition to our good team, the O-line, and the blogging world. He calls his blog for Panthers.com a "diary," but we all know what he's really doing. He's trying to become the Gilbert Arenas of Charlotte. We see you, Hollywood. And we like what we're seeing.
So as the Cats hit the road tonight in Philadelphia, attempting to get Sweet Win #17 out of the last 19 preseason games, here are some of the solid gold nuggets that Mr. Kalil is offering up on these here interwebs:
On how David Carr really has grown a thick skin after that stint in Houston:
As I was sitting on the sidelines late in the game with David Carr, this Giants fan was yelling some pretty vulgar stuff at David about his days in Houston. David just smiled and after a little while he turned around and said, ‘Oh come on, let’s be honest. I have way better hair than you do.’
One more reason Carr has been growing on me: I love a guy that has an unreal sense of cockiness about a very random part of themselves. The name Dan Walters and his blonde hair comes to mind. Odd.
On good, clean, self-indulgent bragging:
I decided to pull out a deck of cards and taught David how to play gin, a game I just learned how to play yet have become very dominant in. Being the smart guy that he is, he picked it up in about a minute and before I knew it he was whipping my butt. So that kind to stunk, because I had a nice run against Geoff Hangartner and Brett Basanez. I destroyed Basanez, by the way.
Take that, you 3rd string Northwestern QB!
On knowing the pecking order as a Rook:
The offensive line was a little disappointed. Because of my Hollywoodness, they were expecting something a little snazzier like what I had at first. To them I apologize. I did not mean to let them down by not living up to my Hollywood nickname. In the future I will never let that happen again.
Damn straight you won't, goat.
Nacho: As I write this, the Panthers pass defense, a sore subject, considering our lack of action, just gave up a long bomb to Donovan McNabb's bionic leg. This angers me greatly. What keeps me from flipping over my desk in a bloodthirsty rampage? Hollywood Ryan Kalil.
The man has proven himself quite adept when it comes to comedy, but scouring the ebays led me to some fun facts. Such as:
- He's a crooner who sings Frank Sinatra songs in the locker room and huddle. (HT: this guy)
- The chances of his mom being a cougar are pretty high considering she was Miss California in 1981.
- Due to those smokin' hot momma genes, his sister Danielle is a Ford model, and also my future ex-wife.
- Ryan mentions in his blog how much he enjoys the little time he's been able to see his fiancee since he's been at camp. That's adorable, but you know what's more adorable? That he's marrying the girl that cheered for Texas when they scored the winning goal at the 2005 Rose Bowl. I was at that game, and it was a magical day, and thus I will not remark upon said Song Girl...
...except to say that she plays through pain:
It should also be noted that, according to the LA Times, Ryan proposed to his love "in an elaborate trick, staging a fake photo shoot at the LA Memorial Coliseum." This guy's a friggin' genius!
Ryan Kalil: we salute you and we, as SportsBrethren, will make it our goal to meet you, congratulate you on all your success, and buy you a drink. (Of course, the internets say you don't cotton to the hard stuff, so we'll make it a tall glass of sweet tea instead.)