Brethren: I have had several people try to give me shit about the Sports Brethren not posting in nearly a whole long week. I don't know what Nacho's excuse is, but I had buddies from high school in town last weekend (JWho? JLew and Big Mike) and then last night, it was the Canuck's last night in town -- needlesstosay, there was a lot of drinking and getting beligerent that had to get done. But with so much going on in the sports world that is potentially infuriating -- Ookie and his dawgs, the mob finally getting under Stern's skin and Barry's quest for 756 -- there was only one thing going on in the World de Sports that really got me mad today.
Join me in angry rants, following:
Really? The guy who talked about effin' hockey?? We're subject to it again? Yet another Dave's Football Blog Deadspin Panthers preview?? How many Royal We's assholes did this guy lick in order to get the nod for the Panthers preview two years in a row!? FUCK!
Listen, Will, it's not that we don't like the guy -- us Panthers guys gotta stick together -- well, scratch that, Nacho likes the guy -- but I just DO NOT trust a dude from Durham to properly enlighten the good citizens of the Spin of Dead about just how tenacious and freaking awesome Steve Smith and Pep are, just how infuriating-yet-passionate Jake is, and just how many awesomely awesome fans balance the loves of their lives by both attending Mecca and yet also not forgetting to bring along the pit-crew-style headphones to catch the Race every Sunday. These things matter, Will. These things matter.
So while he at least didn't go into effin hockey, he went the safe route by tapping into the collective Panthers fans' psyche and thinking that this is anything new. Every Panther fan that doesn't actually know what to talk about, they love to skewer about how predictable Dan Henning had gotten, how many bad breaks the Panthers get, how "if it weren't for those injuries..." Yada yada yada. I hate hearing these arguments. If we were good enough, if we could play smart football, we wouldn't need these damn excuses. And if you can't grow a pair and express your simultaneous love and frustration with your football team, then I just don't like being a fan with you. So while I'm just as excited and giddy as your average awesome Panthers fan, I just can't stand the ones who bring us down by giving out excuses like Momma used to give out Cinnamon Rolls on Satriday morning. See, I like being a Panthers fan for the incredible sense of arrogance that comes along with that title. Now, I don't really know how we acquired this aura, but damn if I'm not giving it up. And I fucking hate fans who don't walk the Panther strut with some testes and some pride.
So as I walked back to my desk after a series of conference calls, bristling with anticipation for my 2:30 PM Deadspin refresh, you can imagine the horror, disdain and anger that entered my being as I saw the picture of Jake and Carr running together (looking Bojangles'-sexy). This was supposed to be our Deadspin preview. I emailed Nacho with a subject line that simply read "Dead to me" and I angrily put on my anger face and plotted my revenge.
DFB: the testament to prove who's more worthy of writing the Panthers Preview Aught-Eight has officially begun. Insert menacing growl and clever line here.
Now, if you'll excuse, I'm going to put on my TiVo to watch several episodes of Scrubs to take me to HappyScrubsLand. Fuck.
Nacho: My, but that was certainly passionate plea for a regime change. In the grand scheme of things this is comparable to that fight in the middle of each 'Rocky' movie, where Rocky loses. Brethren reminds me sometimes of a young Padua learner I took under my belt. He too was filled with passion and had uncontrollable emotions.
Here's the deal: we really wanted a shot at that preview because we both feel very strongly about our Panthers. We do feel that Dave's blog perhaps shouldn't be the #1 go to sports site for NC. Then again, who else was there? Well, that's where we come in. We'll put our noses to the grindstone, start putting up a few more posts, and all around improving our game.
I could be as insulted as Brethren, but I believe in the fundamental goodness of Will Leitch, and, after we've proven ourselves, he will reward us justly.