Better Know A Beaver

Nacho: Word just came down the pipeline that Cardinals fans and Panther fans have a little something in common. It seems neither team's Week 1 starting QB felt much like finishing out the season. Luckily for the Cards, Tim "TIMMEH!" Rattay is available.

Personally, this won't detract in the least bit from my enjoyment of this weekend's matchup, but I will admit I was kinda hoping to see Vinny T under center. That woulda been cool.

As for the Panthers, I've got my life preserver on, and I want only one man commanding this lifeboat: King Beav Matt Moore. Our mancrush expands, after..



Nacho cont'd: The scariest part of watching David Carr play--besides those insufferable gloves; I have it on good authority he likes to pretend he's Mickey Mouse-- is his interminable loitering in the pocket. The long and the short of it is, David Carr simply isn't a good quarterback.

I may be nothing more than an unfrozen caveman football fan, but I know that David Carr couldn't defuse a bomb if there was only one wire to cut...

Which is why I'd like to officially throw my support behind someone younger than me. The only other time this has happened, it resulted in a funny O face in a newspaper. Sorry Miley, but my lust for youth has been transferred onto the capable shoulders of Matt Moore, third-string extraordinaire.

Not much is known of this shadowy figure. He stands 6'4", and I'm apt to admire that, because, see, a Great American Hero & personal savior of mine, once stood that tall...and kilt fiddy men. Fun Fact: Moore was drafted by the Los Angeles Angels of GotSwept back in 2004 in the 22nd round. Wow. 22nd round. That's a long wait.

Luckily for us, Matt spurned that pastoral sport, and gained the starting QB spot for the Oregon State Beaves. During his tenure he completed 183 passes without a interception. I'm fairly certain David Carr once went an entire series of downs without an interception, but I'd have to check some facts first.

Anyway, I just wanted to welcome Matt Moore onto the SportsBrethren's radar. You join the ranks of Ryan Kalil. Perhaps on a team bus, you two can discuss which SportsBrethren's dreamier (hint: the bearded one).

While watching "In The Line Of Fire" I got an idea of how to take out Carr without getting caught by pesky metal detectors.* That oughta leave a smirk on Matt's face...

Am I crazy, or does he look a lot like
the guy from "Life on a Stick"?

Brethren: While I'm certainly a bit more than concerned now that my fiery Cajun's on the IR and I'm not exactly thrilled by the prospect of being led by The Hair, I can't jump wholeheartedly on the Matt Moore Bandwagon, as driven by Nacho, just yet.

Nacho did have a Dark Ages as a Panthers fan, so I can forgive him for not remembering the likes of Dameyune Craig, Randy Fasani, Rod Rutherford, Jeff Lewis, and Stefan LeFors -- all third-string QBs who showed "promise" and we're always popular because they weren't Chris Weineke, Jake Delhomme, or Steve Beuerlein. Fasani and Craig I particularly remember as the two who everybody loved for their preseason lore, but couldn't do anything if ever given a chance in the regular season.

And seeing as I hate the Pac-10, I don't really know if I can load onto the Matt Moore Bandwagon just yet. I'm willing to give The Hair a chance for the next couple of weeks. I still have high hopes for the season; this team showed some guts this past week. Ugly guts, but guts nonetheless.



AWESOME UPDATE: The SportsCousin, Treyseph, and I got into a debate about whether or not Tuesday Morning QuarterBack is good or not. The end result was that it good, just no good for office crowd. Too long. Anyway, here's the awesome part, as glommed from TMQ,

"Jaws Note: With Jake Delhomme and David Carr hurt, undrafted rookie quarterback Matt Moore made a brief appearance for the Panthers. On draft day in April, Ron Jaworski said Moore was the best quarterback prospect after JaMarcus Russell, Brady Quinn and Trent Edwards. All NFL general managers ignored Jaws' advice, yet now there has been a Matt Moore sighting. And speaking of JaMarcus Russell and Brady Quinn, are they in the NFL."

Additional Update: Fellow Charlottean Mel asks, "What's Chris Leak up to?" About five foot ten. ZING!




*Ed's note: we're not really planning on killing David Carr this weekend. We wouldn't want to mess up his hair.
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Most Likely To Make Me Wanna Hurt Myself

Nacho: Ladies and gentlemen, The Hair will be our starting quarterback for the indefinite future.

A well-placed blowdart in Phoenix might be in order.

I want Matt Moore, more than ever.

Fuck, at this point, I'd rather have Darcy Maeda under center:


David Carr: twice as chin-touchy, half as tough.

Why hath god forsaken us?

Brethren: What's Rodney Peete up to?

While I'm only half-kidding about Rodney Peete, we do have to do something. Yes, Carr toughed out the win this week, but I just don't see him being the answer right now. I hope as the season progresses,and we wear the white jerseys less and the black ones more, the cooler looking black gloves he uses will translate into more success. It is a high hope indeed.

Ed. Note: Thanks to my boy Gideon for the tip on the breaking news.

Ed. Note part deux: Both Nacho and Brethren were also named as "Most Likely to Become Famous" as seniors in high school. So we and David Carr got that going for us.

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Week 5: The Cardiac Cats Iz Back

Brethren: Good Lord, that was a roller coaster. I haven't felt that much hate and love towards the same thing since I paid real money to go see "3000 Miles to Graceland."

The Cats won a thriller of two (not very good) NFC South teams. They did so in incredibly inept, yet amazing, fashion. There were back-killing penalties, back-killing interceptions, and (literally) back-killing injuries. But in the end, Steve Smith would not be denied and he carried the Cats to a win that is very reminiscent of the road win over Tampa that jump started the 2003 Super Bowl season.

Hey, a guy can dream right?



Brethren (cont'd): My patented bulleted thoughts on today's Saint-Panthers game:

- After that Julius Peppers blocked field goal, I really felt like a battered girlfriend coming back for more. I mean, here we were, giving up a drive that featured a fake punt, the Saints converting a fourth and three just outside of field goal range, and the Panthers giving up 847395792357 yards on penalties. I'm angry, sending hateful text messages to everyone from Nacho to Mammy to JLew. And as I begin to accept the fact that we're gonna go down 16-6, here comes Pep, awaking from his slumber to provide the Mr. Mo game-changing play. The bruises means he loves me, ok?!

- Did anyone else see how fired up John Fox got during the second half? Yes, it was probably out of desperation, but it's good to know he cares.

- While winning the game is obviously most important, this team still scares the shit out of me. After the Gators losing a game where they were winning for 58:51 minutes and the Panthers providing this roller coaster of an afternoon, I think I need a weekend from my weekend. Or at least get me back to the office, where I can calmly schedule some meetings, discuss FY09 Pillsbury planning, and report on the success of myfruitrollups.com. Jeebus.

- Matt Moore! Welcome to the Show, big guy.

- I miss Jake. I hope the fiery Cajun's up and running soon. I miss his musk.

- New bartender (to me) at the bar today: very attractive. She also did the bartender thing, making me think she was a lot more interested in me than she actually was. Fake love, but what this guy needed.

- After the Saints missed their long FG that could have potentially taken the lead in the fourth quarter, I screamed, "Fuck yea!" manically at the TV, as I am wont to do. The guy sitting at the bar next to me laughed, repeated what I said in some sort of mock-Brethren-voice, and thought I didn't hear him. Well fuck you, boring Steelers fan who gets to watch their team win 21-0. The Panthers eek out road wins against winless opponents and give me an ulcer in the process. That's how the Cardiac Cats roll, bitches. On to the Pink Taco!

Nacho: I was rather forlorn and calm throughout the majority of the game. Ricky provided a lot of yelling, I supplied Katrina similes. I'm classy like that. It was an ugly game played by ugly teams, neither of which look like they deserve to go to the post-season. Anyway, here's my re-cap:

- As I plop down in front of the finest tv Big Wangs has to offer, I receive a hearty slap on the shoulder. (How often do you experience anything in your everyday life that could be described as "hearty"? I thought so.) Turns out a waitress went to school with Julius Peppers and Alge Crumpler and was good friends with both. She admired my Peppers jersey. I admired her....pluck. She wasn't our waitress, but she did dole out high-fives at appropriate times.

- David Carr should be our Johnathan Papelbon. We need to keep him in the locker room, as far from the playing field as possible...until the fourth quarter. Today was Carr's eleventh career 4th quarter comeback win. I honestly didn't think David Carr had won 10 games in his entire career.

- As angry as he makes me, coddamn do I love David Carr's hair. I would not be in the least surprise to learn his favorite movie is Pulp Ficiton. Just fan-fucking-tastic hair, there, buddy.

- If Jake can't go by next week*, I want Matt Moore to start.

(Matt Moore pictured at right.)

















* = Jake will start next week. He knows who will be watching. Jake doesn't like to disappoint his diehards.
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Sports Ticker Abuse: ABC

Nacho:The Red River Challenge is tied. Tennessee's whomping Georgia.

ABC knows what you want; keeping you abreast of the latest developments in college sports is important, so much so that they take up a portion of their broadcast for a Sports Ticker.

Cavemen. New episode, this Tuesday.

We're all just biding our time until...


Percy Harvin is a man, stands 6 feet tall, was crafted by the Gods to play football. -Tylerisgod316
Brethren: Don't have much to add, except I'm bout to head out to the Gator bar I watched Florida whoop up on Tennessee at, brimming with the hopes that magic can happen again there.

Oh, and I have a bet going with a "boss" of mine at work. He's an LSU grad and so we put a wager on the 8.5 line that favors LSU. If the Gators can beat the spread, he has to buy me a 2006 National Championship Gators shirt of my choosing and prominently display the receipt in his cubicle. If LSU covers, I have to wear the LSU Tiger foamhead for two days at work. The battle lines at Publicis Dialog are drawn.

And as you can imagine, I am fearful of the mighty Death Valley. That LSU defense seems quite difficult to score on, even if HIS NAME IS TIM TEBOW. But I think I received a sign from the gods: the twelver of Natty Light I bought yesterday came in its new look/design packaging, but the cans were the classic design. Needlesstosay, I was happy happy man.


The way beer is supposed to look.
Hopefully tonight, I can say the same thing about the Gators.

(Gators Girls Photo courtesy of: Poon of the SEC.)


Also, check out Juiced Sports's post about the game.
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162 Preseason Games Leading Us To This

Brethren: When I moved to New York a scant four months ago, I had only known a handful of Yankees fans in my life. They were all displaced fans who all had excuses like, "My Granddad lives in Tampa where they play preseason ball" or "I lived in New York until I was 8." So with very limited interaction with this breed of human, I assumed most were the straight-of-the-assembly-line, root-for-the-house-in-blackjack kind of bile that most media I consumed had told me they were. And upon my arrival in the city (you could feel something change in the air, really), I was in no mood to believe anything else.

But here we are, at the beginning of October and I've met some real live Yankees fans who are Yankees fans because they truly grew up in a Yankees environment and they know the game. And since I don't yet have that homegrown connection to any baseball team, I'd figure I'd enlist some help to get the perspective of a Yankees fan as they had into their 38th* consecutive postseason -- without a World Series title since that fateful year 2000.

Your writer is Joe McHeffey, the designer and developer of the coolest new website out there: myfruitrollups.com. He made the red FRUdude on the site in his image. His words:

So here we are on opening day of the real Yankees season, the post-season. Only this time there's something missing. Let's see...we have the air getting cooler, the bunting up at the stadium, all the kind words from Sox fans up north, the constant badgering from ruthless Mets fans. Wait, that's it! At long last I may be able to relax and enjoy a Yankee's post-season without defending every piece of the game. I'm sorry, but had to get this in here. If you're a Yankee fan watching a game this post-season and you're being harassed by a Met fan, you know the drill. Just bring up the end of their season and you can continue watching the game in peace.

Joe's real baseball break down, desde:

The Red FRUdude: 1. As usual there are questions being asked about the age and effectiveness of the Yankees starting rotation. I'll admit that the past few years I had no clue what was going to happen with the rotation, however this year feels different. I can easily see Wang going 7 innings and giving up 3 runs for a 5-3 win. Following that Pettite pitches a gem sending the yankees home up 2-0. Now nobody knows what The Rocket will bring, but I don't think it will be enough for the win. However, in game 4 Moose continues his recent success and goes 6 innings for the clinching win.

2. Joba dominates. Enough said.

3. Damon, Abreu and Mientkiewicz play big supporting roles. Jeter and Posada continue the consistent play, each hitting around .400 for the series. Jeter comes up once again with clutch hitting. A-Rod doesn't fully break out of his post-season slump but he comes through with 2-3 key hits and really helps the team defensively.

4. Mariano is his old self leaving no doubt he is the best post-season closer of all time.

5. Joe Torre cries, which is a good thing.

Yanks in 4, MVP - Jeter.

Of course let's hope this is what happens otherwise the peace and quiet could turn to loud and obnoxious real quick.

Brethren: And I was wrong, all Yankees fans are off-the-assembly-line, root-for-the-house-in-blackjack bile. Sorry.

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Week Six Preview: A Battle On Mars

Nacho: I looked up some quotes about Arizona, and my favorite is: "Arizona looks like a battle on Mars."

With that mindset, lemme tell ya'bout this weekend I got planned for October 12-14th:

Most years I do a cross-country road trip or some such adventure, but this year I've been quite content to hang around Los Angeles. I did some traveling this summer, but that's about it....until next weekend.

With the addition of some recent announcements, the trip went from "Fun" to "Epic." Let's stick this pig, after...


First up, Friday is opening night of Point Break: the live theater production. The most badass part: the role of Johnny Utah is played by a member of the audience every night! Whoa!




Saturday we gas up the jet and head to lovely Arizona for the Suns/Hornets preseason game, followed by a drunken stumble through the Steve Nash Maize Maze. The best part: the General Motors Proving Grounds are across the train tracks from the Maize Maze, so if we get bored, we'll prove some shit.

Sunday we're headed to the Pink Taco for the Cats/Cards. This will mark the first Panther game outside of Bank of America stadium for me, and I couldn't be more excited. There won't be a lot of Panther fans, so body paint may be required. The bestest part: brooding Cardinals' fans will be cleverly trash-talked in sign form, due to alcohol intake.

Afterwards, it's a hop, skip, and a jump through the desert and back to LA for Monday morning at the office.

Photo field-trip to ensue.

Think you can top any of those plans, Brethren?


Brethren: I too am taking a Week Six road trip. I'm heading down to Charlottesville to visit our National Treasure. I'll have my itinerary up shortly and we can compare.

For now, I'll just say I'm quite impressed by such an actionable plan for you West Coasters. I always thought weekends for you Cali types consisted of making lots of plans during the week, only to get to Friday and deciding to get real weird instead and going see the new Ben Stiller movie, followed by waking up Saturday morning, hitting the bong to get over that hangover, coming to just after lunch, and saying, "Fuck it, let's go to the beach."

So you've got that going for you. Well done. My response soon.


Nacho: I resent that remark. You've read Rammer Jammer, you know what the autumn brings. I'll swear on a stack of Bibles that the real New Year comes October 1st. We're a quarter of the way thorugh the NFL season; fantasy breakout stars and busts abound. Baseball, a sport I don't cotton to, is finally intersting (and awesome). And the NBA returns after a rather TMZ-esque summer. Andrei Kirilenko made noise fer crissake.

Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is, go see that really funny movie you see ads for during your games, because see then you can see my name in the credits and boo. Or cheer. Or throw unmentionables. Whatever....

No, the point I'm trying to make is that Los Angeles is the modern day melting pot, meaning that native Angelinos aren't much for sports (save for Lakers and Trojans....and Bruins), but those that bring their allegiances from miles away are alive and thriving in the Hollyhood. Our faiths and investments in our home teams span the country and we're the folks you'll find at the bars at nine in the morning. For us LA transplants, the fall is our favorite season: we have fantastic weather and sports all day....until 8pm....then Simpsons start....Count it!

Also, the beaches out here pale in comparison to the OBX.
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Wherein We Promise Sexual Favors To Mitchell Blatt

The Sports Brethren are dedicated to two things: Bringing our readers the best product we can on a stomach of wings and booze, and getting more people to use the word "brethren" more often.

We appear to be doing swimmingly on both fronts, and thusly would like to ask you attractive people for a favor: if you see Mitchell Blatt today give that guy a high five for us.* He ranked us as the 64th Most Influential Sports Blog, and, not unlike the N64 gaming system, he kicks ass.

Hat Tips and nods are about all the credit sports bloggers get (along with sweet, sweet ad revenue) so we're feeling mighty loved right now. Take a moment to check out Juiced Sports and leave 'em a comment expressing how awesome you think their blog is.

Thanks again and like Dirk Diggler we promise to keep rocking and rolling, making better [sports blog posts].

A photographic representation of how we feel, desde...

Who needs chicken when you've got biscuits like these?


We pledge to crack the top 50 within the year!

* = or, at the very least, a squealgasm.

** We'd also like to point out if the Juiced Sports Blog did a NCAA blog pool, we'd totally take down "I'm Writing Sports" to have the chance to hang tough against Will and his Deadspin juggernaut in the first half, only to be blown out in the fitting second half. Rock on.
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