Week 19 And Beyond: The Day the Music Died

Brethren: It has taken me a full three weeks to write this. The absolute stomach-punching atrocity that formed a burning sadness and simultaneous anger in my heart on January 10th, 2009, has finally turned into a compact black hole I'll carry for a long time. But while compact, it's small and it doesn't consume my entire heart.

But for a while there, it absolutely did. After Jake's second interception in the first half and we were suddenly facing a two touchdown plus differential, my world started to fade quickly. We had an entire section of the bar in the East Village reserved and I can take at least 60% of the credit for turning us into an interminably miserable peoples. I was angry. We had worked hard to get to 12-4 dammit. And then it all slipped away as Jake played the worst game of his career and John Fox stubbornly didn't gameplan for the Cardinals' most potent offensive weapon.

A lot has happened since that night three weeks ago. Nearly all the defensive coaches are gone, most notably, the defensive coordinator Trgovac. He's been replaced by the Colts' D-Coordinator, Ron Meeks. Indy hasn't been renowned for the defensive side of the ball in recent years because of Pey-Pey's huge presence in your standard marketing campaigns, but statistically, this guy knows what he's doing. And he has a Super Bowl ring. This will still be a John Fox team, but Meeks brings an aggressiveness to the defense that we clearly lacked in that Arizona playoff game.

The Cardinals have moved on in dramatic fashion, and I've been rooting for them all the way. I always start rooting for the team that knocks mine out of the tournament, if only to say, "hey -- nobody could beat those guys that year -- how'd you expect us to?"

And of course, the most potentially bizarre situation is the elephant in the proverbial room right now: Defensive End Julius Peppers wanting out of Carolina. The Panthers jersey I own carries Peppers's #90 and name, he was the first piece of the John Fox era, he is the most ridiculous athlete to ever hit the Charlotte sports scene; and yet, if he truly wants out and he thinks he has to leave our organization to truly reach his potential, well then fuck that. Fucking Carolina grad. I can turn on him in a heartbeat.

But Pep, if this all works out and you stay on in the Kakkalak and dominate the way we know you can, we're cool. If not, you gots to get the fuck out.

As for me, I spent the rest of the night of Jan 10th getting as weird as possible. Lots of shots, lots of drinks, self-inflicting damage had to be done. I put on my onesie and didn't get out of bed until 5:30 PM the next day, eating only a small sandwich and some yogurt when I did. It was pathetically adorable and I couldn't have gotten over the pain of watching your team self-implode so dramatically when they could have been so great without this exercise in self-pity. Writing this blog every week about the Panthers certainly ups my ante as a fan -- I feel much more personally invested when I'm chronicling the emotional highs and lows of following this team. So when you get that involved, it only hurts that much more when the sudden and finite end swiftly kicks you in the ass.

But life goes on. Players will come, players will go; and we will rebuild a roster that will look different than the '08 version. Fans will turn on Jake the second he throws his first interception next season, but I hope Fox/Hurney don't. I think they should open up training camp for competition, but I suspect Jake would win that. He's Smitty's QB -- and next year, we'll just have to have a better defense and remember that we're a fucking running team that likes to take a chance every now and again downfield with Smitty. Stick to that identity and we should be force to be reckoned with again.

Life has gone on. Nacho and I will continue to check in with the Panthers as the off-season progresses and big news pops up, but we turn our attention to the improving Bobcats and the coming months of non-football sports. And it shall be good.

I missed the concept of the jump with this post, but perhaps Nacho will have some words down there.

(And yes, that picture up top is of Nacho and Brethren, dressed to the ts in our onesies that Mammy gave us for Christmas, drinking scotch. Like all good Southerners. Admit it: we're so hot right now.)

Nacho?
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Week 10: Good Thing the Raiders Suck

Brethren: Dear Lord, I have never felt worse after a game the Carolina Panthers won by 11 points. So while John Fox can tell me that in the NFL, a win's a win's a win, beating a gawd-awful Oakland Raiders team 17-6 to move to 7-2 didn't inspire great confidence in me. The offense looked so out of synch and Jake looked so terrible that we needed a banner day from the defense to beat a 2-6 Raiders team.

Luckily, Peppers brought the noise and the funk, the secondary proved it's on its way to being the best the Panthers have ever had, and BeasTon and Davis were flying around the ball like they are wont to do.

So while it was a great performance from the Panthers D, it was against a terrible Raider offense that looked even more pathetic than Bill Simmons trying to do the first-person narratives Big Daddy Drew made famous. DeAngelo made good on his promise to never be run-down and his 140 yards were another great game on his way to 1,000-yard season. But Jeebus did Jake look terrible: a 12.3 QB rating, completing 0 passes in the second half, and connecting on 7 passes to his team while connecting on 4 with the other team.

At the end of the day though, it won't matter as long as Jake can bounce back -- and there are many a good game this season to make me believe Sunday was just an aberration. The Panthers are at a quiet 7-2, and flying just enough under the radar despite having the 3rd-best record in the NFL.

Nacho was at the game, and some more patented bulleted thoughts, desde:


Brethren (cont'd): The patented bulleted thoughts:

- Sunday's game was quite a display of horrific offense, but there was something extraordinary that happened: in the second quarter, after DeAngelo's awesome long-distance touchdown gallop, I got the following text from my good friend Eugene, "Smash and dash according to urban dictionary: to have sex with a girl and then leave immediately...amazing." While appreciating the lesson in what the kids are saying these days, since I didn't have sound to the game at the bar, I wasn't clued in: apparently the FOX announcing team had nicknamed Panthers RBs Jonathan Stewart and DeAngelo Williams, "Smash and Dash," and used the phrase frequently during the game.

Now that's just awesome announcing. I can get behind any nicknames that also double as vernacular sex phrases. Who in the NFL is the Cleveland Steamer? Who's the Blumpkin? The Rusty Trombone? I need someone far cleverer than me to answer these questions.

I'm just glad the Panthers got the Smash and Dash -- a move quite frequently cheered on by me and my buddies and a running back tandem quite frequently cheered on by us as well.

- Ugh, that was such a gross game that you're only getting one patented bulleted thought. Let's beat Detroit next weekend, move on to 8-2, and see how we stack up for the last 6 weeks.

Nacho: The easiest way to break down the past week of my life is with the tried and true Good, Bad, Ugly rankings. Without further ado....

the Good: It breaks my heart into a million little pieces to think of the photos that could've accompanied this post. Like the one with me and Buzz "Shorty" Bizzinger. Or the historic meeting of Big Daddy Drew and the SportsBrethren. Or the countless Jowlers from Friday night (Brethren's got a cache of them and will be posting shortly.) Allah in Heaven, those photos would've been epic. My travels from LA to NYC to Oakland brought me such great joy.

Sports peppered themselves throughout my weekend walkabout: from the Varsity Letters presentation, and having the Godfather recognize me, despite my pedo-stache. To the glorious $15 all-you-can-drink brunch on Saturday morning. It was my first time visiting Brethren since he graduated college, and my first time the Big Apple sans parents. Suffice to say, we stayed up past our bed time. In Summation: the first three days of my trip were some of the happiest times of my life.

The Bad: During the four hours my car sat parked outside MacAfee Stadium in Oakland on Sunday thieves made off with my camera and my best friend's laptop. This put a rather large damper on the whole experience. Raider Nation was surprisingly not hostile; the weather was gorgeous, the stadium was adequate...But that town can burn to the fucking ground and I wouldn't shed two tears. It's filled with the worst scum of the world and for the record: None in our party was wearing visible Panthers apparel, at no point did we taunt or talk trash. We were as docile as hindu cows. We respected the fabled hatred and did nothing to call attention to ourselves, and still the Shithole That Is Oakland struck like a fiend in the night. I doubt I'll ever go to Oakland again, and it's probably for the best.

The Ugly:Anyone else watch that game? Oof. Watching Jake Delhomme pass would've made me physically ill, were it not for the power and the glory that is Jose Cuervo Margarita Shakers. Two per quarter is a healthy pace. It speaks volumes that when we all herded down to smoking section, and the usher for our section politely said "thanks for coming out" as if we were leaving for the day. We all realized when we returned to our seats that, indeed, most Raider fans leave at halftime. It was adorable in a really, really sad way.

Jake Delhomme can try and have another game as bad as that, but I doubt he'd live to see the post-game press conference. That was damn near unforgivable. As a wiser man than myself once said, "that's one."

Two last notes: it's nice to see Peppers step things up, albeit against Oakland, that's not terribly difficult to do. And lastly: there's a chance Duante Culpeper will be a smarter QB than Marques Tuiasosopo, so, y'know....be ready.

Onward now to another mockingly mighty foe: the winless Detroit Lions. I guarantee if we play like we did yesterday, they will beat us. C'mon Cats, lets not fuck this one up too bad.


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Week 1: The Start of Domination

Nacho: I am currently sporting the most ridiculous red neck at this moment. It's in the shape of a V-neck. I stood/leaned in the first row at the 35 yard line behind the Panther bench. At a quiet moment I shrieked a complete sentence to Chris Harris, something about "acknowledge my existence!!!" He stuck out both hands as he rode on the stationary bike, and gave me a double-thumbs up. I'll be back in a bit...

Brethren: Wow.

Holy shit, what a first week win. Going into the Whale's Vagina, not a many pundits gave the Panthers of Carolina a chance to win the first game of the season. That didn't matter. Nacho was at the game; therefore, we had a fighting chance. And Jeebus, did we give the Chargers a game.

Much will be said about the heroics of Jake, Dante Rosario, Chris Harris, and the two-minute offense. And at the end of day, they won the game in those last seconds. But what I watched was not a close, two-point win. I saw a team that dominated a ridiculously talented AFC team on the road. I saw a team go up 9-7 at the half when they should have been up 28-7. I saw a team that looked confident. And dominant.

I saw the Carolina Panthers.


Brethren (cont'd): Smokey aka Nacho was at the game, so I'm not sure I can add much more. Here are my patented bulleted thoughts:

- I watched the game in a bar in Murray Hill in Manhattan that consisted of many Panthers fans. We had an awesome crowd.

- I jumped up and down in men's arms after that last-second touchdown. I was so angry that Jake didn't call a timeout when the clock read 0:07. But then he threw a slant to Moose, and called time with 0:02 seconds left. He then did his business, caught Dante's eyes, threw him the ball, and won the game. I was no longer angry. I was estatic.

- Honestly, we won that game several times. The defense produced a TD; they kept LDT under 100 yards; we just couldn't get into the end zone until the end there. We should have won this game going away.

- That said, we beat a consensus AFC playoff team. On the road. As I stated on Deadspin, we are the Carolina Panthers and the NFL has been put on notice.

Nacho: I'm fairly certain I sat closer to a pro football game than anyone in my family ever has. But before all that, I had to get to San Diego. Ricky & I hopped on the 6:33am subway to downtown LA, jumped into the Surfliner to San Diego, and sat next to a old acquaintance we'd met once before: an original Top Cat Panther cheerleader.

We arrived at the Power Party outside Qualcomm Stadium around 10:30 and I made a bee line for the tri-tip BBQ hoagie. At this point, we were about eight beers in, and we were welcomed by the pretty swell Chargers fans. Everyone talked about Brady, & we decided to take a walk of cojones through the tailgates. We were loudly, and rowdily heckled on all sides by drunk Chargers fans. It was as intimidating as the walk Ethan Hawke does through the Jungle in "Training Day".

We found our seats, but moved immediately to the first row, leaning over the railing, and commenced shrieking like banshees. We did not stop drinking, heckling, antagonizing and going out of our daggum minds for three straight quarters. The weather was perfect, the fans were evenly split between really cool people, and fans who made decent villains.

As the 4th quarter swung to and fro, and the Chargers scored with about two and a half minutes, my commentary to the crowd was "But did they score too soon?" The guy with face paint and a cape cocked a worried eyebrow. As Biscuit Defender drove the boys downfield and the clock kept ticking, John Fox didn't make one misstep. This was one of the specific situations in which John Fox had been shitting the bed in recent seasons, and he nailed it.

From my vantage point, I saw that the snap was high, Jake's pump fake fooled me, and then, in one glorious moment, I saw Rosario leap up and nary a Charger was at the same height. As soon as his fingers touched the ball I tuned, ripped my Peppers jersey off, and started waving it around my head like a helicopter. In times of great joy, I revert to the biggest stereotype I can.

The Chargers fans were nowhere to be found, so we led the Panther fans in a chorus of chants and cheers. Walking out of the stadium we yelled multiple instigating phrases, such as "We can't spell, but we win ball games." and, "That's why they make the game sixty minutes, and not fifty-nine minutes and fifty-eight seconds." We were clever.

The trolley system had some trouble, y'know, running but we eventually made our way onto the train home. Where we slept with smiles upon our faces. For a day, we were kings.

One last note: did you know that Sam Cassell would be ejected from NFL games for doing his "you got no mah-bulls" dance from Major League 2? Myself and some Chargers did the dance, and the cops came up and reprimanded my cohort Ricky for it. Thanks, Goodell.

Soundtracks for the Day:

Nacho: The theme from Mercenaries 2 "Oh No You Didn't"
Brethren: "More Time" by Needtobreathe.
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Week 13: We won. Hooray.

Brethren: Well, looky there. We played a football game at our home stadium and won. Maybe not a reason to celebrate for most normal, good teams, but the Carolina Panthers are neither normal or good. So without checking any facts or any game film, only my imbibed memory, let's take a looksie: How did this happen?

I can think of a few reasons:

- David Carr was inactive. Do not let this fact go unnoticed.

- Trent Dilfer is not very good.

- Our defense took advantage of those two facts.

More golden gems/patented bulleted thoughts and Nacho's words, following:

Brethren (cont'd): So I really do think most of this season can be blamed on David Carr. I don't personally know the man, but I do watch our team perform when he's at the helm, and when he's not, and I have recognized a few things:

- This defense is good, but they wear down. How do you stop them from wearing down? You have them play less. How does that happen? By keeping the offense on the field. David Carr was inept at doing that.

- Vinny T might make mistakes, but at least he looks like a man -- not a girl -- when he does.

- Vinny T knows how to get Steve Smith the ball; David Carr does not. Our team performs better when Steve Smith gets the ball more often.

These are simple things. But they are important. David Carr, please go away. We can live -- and win apparently -- without you.

Other thoughts:

- I love Jake Delhomme. I love him. He was so fired up after that first TD when (don't know his first name) Rossario caught a Vinny T bullet. I loved it. I miss the guy.

- I love Steve Smith. I love him. He talked so much shit to Nate Clement today and it rocked. That scene at the end of the first half where he got in Clement's face and wouldn't back down made me happy he's on my team.

- I watch all the Panthers games with my buddy Steve, a fellow Charlottean and Panthers fan. It was quite telling that all day, whenever a play went the Panthers' way (which was actually quite often), neither he nor I would cheer. We'd merely nod at each other, as to say, "I'll take that." That's the kind of deflating attitude David Carr has put on us. We used to be cheery and rambunctious. Now, a slight head nod will suffice a Richard Marshall interception return for a TD.

Nacho: By now, our weekly simile of what negative thing David Carr is to our team should have a name, so I'm gonna name it:

The David Carr Negative Simile of the Week

This week's simile: Herpes.

Not since the not-so-rare Derekus Jeterius strain has one athlete infected so many talented people. David Carr ruined Dom Capers's head coaching career, a meat-sweaty intense fan base, and, for half a season and six million dollars, the Carolina Panthers. Luckily, there's VINtrex, it's just like Valtrex, and helps keep David Carr in remission. So there you have it, David Carr is the herpes of the Carolina Panthers.

I'd like to take a moment to highlight a career day for one special Panther. Although I'm dubious as to her abilities to headline a wide-realease film, I'd like to extend a hearty congrats to Rosario Dawson on her stellar performance yesterday.

One fumble recovery and a touchdown
for 5 yards. Not bad.

It's fun to hear the Panthers back in playoff talk, for about a week. We've got the other expansion team up next week. Y'know those guys who didn't even punt against the defending Super Bowl champs. Ugh.


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Most Likely To Make Me Wanna Hurt Myself

Nacho: Ladies and gentlemen, The Hair will be our starting quarterback for the indefinite future.

A well-placed blowdart in Phoenix might be in order.

I want Matt Moore, more than ever.

Fuck, at this point, I'd rather have Darcy Maeda under center:


David Carr: twice as chin-touchy, half as tough.

Why hath god forsaken us?

Brethren: What's Rodney Peete up to?

While I'm only half-kidding about Rodney Peete, we do have to do something. Yes, Carr toughed out the win this week, but I just don't see him being the answer right now. I hope as the season progresses,and we wear the white jerseys less and the black ones more, the cooler looking black gloves he uses will translate into more success. It is a high hope indeed.

Ed. Note: Thanks to my boy Gideon for the tip on the breaking news.

Ed. Note part deux: Both Nacho and Brethren were also named as "Most Likely to Become Famous" as seniors in high school. So we and David Carr got that going for us.

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Welcome Back Y'All

Nacho: Welcome back, boys. Christmas in August.



Brethren's firsthand report from the Carolina Panthers pre-season opener, desde

Brethren: Indeedly, I made the trek out to East Rutherford, NJ, to be a spectator of the glory that is the game of football. The fact that the Panthers were playing doubled my pleasure and doubled my fun.

After a few unfortunate traffic mishaps, Big Mike Owens and I arrived at the stadium and our end zone lower level seats. My thoughts:

- David Carr will easily be the most popular player in Charlotte this year. Even if Jake puts together a season like 2003 or even 2005 and plays good football on top of being the Defender of Biscuits, stupid football fans will clamour for the athletic and strong-armed Carr. Charlotteans, bless their hearts, always love a good backup QB (soooo many people used to write in to the Observer, begging for Chris Weinke (!!!!!) to play, it's not even funny). Now that we have a solid backup with a bit of a pedigree, they'll be licking at the chops the minute Jake fires off his first emotional interception.

- That said, David Carr looked good. Dude has a cannon. Happiest moment of the night: overhearing drunk generic meathead Giants fan dudes talking about how the Panthers always seem to make good personnel moves and using Carr as evidence A.

- Except for those white gloves he wears. A little, um, feminine. Adorable, as Nacho would say.

- We sat in $80 seats for free. Yay, friends with connections. The beers, however, were $7.25 a pop. Yay, beer.

- We got good long looks at the rookie linebackers. I, of course, only was really watching out for first rounder Jon Beason. I didn't really follow his career at the U, but I was quite impressed and excited to find out he wore the #2 in college. Linebackers with single digits seem way more badass than they probably are. That said, as a Panther and donning #52, he looked decent. He supposedly plays faster than he can run a 40, and he's a strong leader. That said, Big Mike, a Penn State grad, was pointing out every time MLB Tim Shaw, a 'backer from Linebacker U, made a play. Shaw used to bang one of Mike's friends, so he was even more excited to watch the man succeed in a Panthers preseason game. We are both hoping said friend will introduce us to Shaw, so we can start hanging out with Panthers players whilst in Charlotte and canoodle our way into the organization.

- Steve Smith is a badass. Mike and I were recalling how in a Budweiser Hot Seat interview (ugh, WWL), someone asked Smith what his greatest strength was, and he said, "my height." Apparently, even though DBs know he's one of the best athletes in the NFL, when the time comes and ball goes up for grabs, people revert to making basic assumptions about their opponent, and people assume they can outjump Smith. This is never the case. Smith's best route might be the fade; awesome because the dude is 5'9. Steve Smith is a badass.

- There are some hot chicks in section 101 at Giants Stadium. Well played, Giants Stadium.

- Taye Biddle and Ryne Robinson look like they could be fun. I am kinda hoping the Panthers become known as the team with small, speedy receivers. Biddle and Robinson remind me of young Steve Smiths; if one of them actually becomes even 73% of the actual Steve Smith, they'll be worthy investments.

- Even though the man himself did not play, there was a Dwayne Jarrett jersey sighting in my section. Made both Mike and I very happy, as we cannot wait until our friend, JLew (Jarrett Lewis) buys Dwayne's jersey, so he can have one of those personalized-yet-still-authentic Panthers jersey. We need a hard-hitting safety who wears the number #20 named Antoine Mickey to be make the roster. You hear that, Fox and Hurney. Find him; give him a jersey.

- We won. The Panthers are one of the finest exhibition teams out there. We have conquered 16 of our last 18 exhibition foes. Astonishing, considering the Super Bowl-winning Colts went 0-fer last year in the preseason. Go us! Winners of games that don't count!

- I don't necessarily know how to express this without sounding like a girl, but...we saw football! Being played! It's August! Yaaay! FOOTBALL!!!!!!

- Based on my viewing of a few preseason quarters, I can nearly gaurantee the Panthers will win the Super Bowl. The team is that good.
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