Happy Days Are Here Again

Nacho: In keeping with the theme of Jesus-we're-gonna-lose-our-jobs, Fox and Hurney have shaken shit up some more this offseason.

That right: it's out with The Hair and in with The Moose. I think we can all agree that the David Carr experiment was done solely to give the SportsBrethren fodder to bitch and moan during an otherwise lackluster Panther season. I'm not sure who decided, and at what point they decided, that David Carr is a legitimate professional quarterback, but the sad truth is he never was and he never will be. I, for one, am happy to see him leave, and sad to lose his hair.

Moose thoughts, after...

Nacho cont'd: As for Moose, I'm all a-biggity-bout getting back a solid receiver. In years past this role has been filled by the inimitable Ricky Proehl and duds like Keyshawn. We need a possession receiver, as the past three or four years have proven that if you cover Steve Smith well, the Panthers passing game is rather impotent. Moose provides us with a threatening receiver, as opposed to, say, Drew Carter. Drew Carter does not strike fear in the hearts of men.

Anyhow, I'm happy to have Moose back in the blue and black, the way it should be. The Bears have been happy to be picking up the Panthers sloppy seconds for a couple years now. I rather enjoy this. I think the Bears and the Panthers should form an unholy alliance where we just trade the same players back and forth, for ever-decreasing amounts of money. I expect Ricky Manning Jr to be beating up nerds in Norf Cakalacky fast food joints before 2010.

Ahhhh the offseason, where speculation goes to thrive.
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Week 13: We won. Hooray.

Brethren: Well, looky there. We played a football game at our home stadium and won. Maybe not a reason to celebrate for most normal, good teams, but the Carolina Panthers are neither normal or good. So without checking any facts or any game film, only my imbibed memory, let's take a looksie: How did this happen?

I can think of a few reasons:

- David Carr was inactive. Do not let this fact go unnoticed.

- Trent Dilfer is not very good.

- Our defense took advantage of those two facts.

More golden gems/patented bulleted thoughts and Nacho's words, following:

Brethren (cont'd): So I really do think most of this season can be blamed on David Carr. I don't personally know the man, but I do watch our team perform when he's at the helm, and when he's not, and I have recognized a few things:

- This defense is good, but they wear down. How do you stop them from wearing down? You have them play less. How does that happen? By keeping the offense on the field. David Carr was inept at doing that.

- Vinny T might make mistakes, but at least he looks like a man -- not a girl -- when he does.

- Vinny T knows how to get Steve Smith the ball; David Carr does not. Our team performs better when Steve Smith gets the ball more often.

These are simple things. But they are important. David Carr, please go away. We can live -- and win apparently -- without you.

Other thoughts:

- I love Jake Delhomme. I love him. He was so fired up after that first TD when (don't know his first name) Rossario caught a Vinny T bullet. I loved it. I miss the guy.

- I love Steve Smith. I love him. He talked so much shit to Nate Clement today and it rocked. That scene at the end of the first half where he got in Clement's face and wouldn't back down made me happy he's on my team.

- I watch all the Panthers games with my buddy Steve, a fellow Charlottean and Panthers fan. It was quite telling that all day, whenever a play went the Panthers' way (which was actually quite often), neither he nor I would cheer. We'd merely nod at each other, as to say, "I'll take that." That's the kind of deflating attitude David Carr has put on us. We used to be cheery and rambunctious. Now, a slight head nod will suffice a Richard Marshall interception return for a TD.

Nacho: By now, our weekly simile of what negative thing David Carr is to our team should have a name, so I'm gonna name it:

The David Carr Negative Simile of the Week

This week's simile: Herpes.

Not since the not-so-rare Derekus Jeterius strain has one athlete infected so many talented people. David Carr ruined Dom Capers's head coaching career, a meat-sweaty intense fan base, and, for half a season and six million dollars, the Carolina Panthers. Luckily, there's VINtrex, it's just like Valtrex, and helps keep David Carr in remission. So there you have it, David Carr is the herpes of the Carolina Panthers.

I'd like to take a moment to highlight a career day for one special Panther. Although I'm dubious as to her abilities to headline a wide-realease film, I'd like to extend a hearty congrats to Rosario Dawson on her stellar performance yesterday.

One fumble recovery and a touchdown
for 5 yards. Not bad.

It's fun to hear the Panthers back in playoff talk, for about a week. We've got the other expansion team up next week. Y'know those guys who didn't even punt against the defending Super Bowl champs. Ugh.


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