Wherein My Morrison Jersey Becomes Much More Ironic

Nacho: Yesterday, as I sat down to watch the film "Fanboys" I received a phonecall I chose to ignore. There's little in this world scarier than a miffed sci fi nerd. A voicemail was left that I listened to after the movie; it's mocking tone unmistakable: "Where's your Morrison, now? WHERE'S YOUR MORRISON NOW?!"

It's true, the face of the franchise, the great Mustachio himself, has left the Queen City. Adam Morrison was traded to the Los Angeles Lakers for Vlad Rad and with that, a chapter in the steep Bobcat lore comes to a close.

Not unlike Natalie Imbruglia, I'm torn. I love the Bobcats, but most of that initial love started when we drafted Morrison. With him off the team, I'm naturally sad, but he couldn't have been traded to a better team. I discussed the potentiality that Morrison's just trade bait to get Shaq back to LA (it's rather large) but that gives me two weeks to enjoy Morrison in a Laker jersey. Seeing as how he'll probably get passed around the league from here on out, any Morrison jersey is gonna be worth it's wait in gold.

A few thoughts on the off season, after...

Nacho cont'd: A month ago the Panthers shat the bed against the eventual Super Bowl Contender Arizona Cardinals. It was a devastating, demoralizing loss that could very well have shook an inexperienced fan to their very core. I was upset; I had somehow gotten about 20 people to come out and cheer for the Cats. It was kind of like trying to show off a new trick your dog or child has learned, only to watch them play with their own feces when the neighbors show up.

The most important part of that loss was the perspective it gave me. I saw the storm coming midway through the first quarter and willingly surrendered myself to the plummet into darkness. After the game, I got home and purged my body of all the hate, sadness, and fried foods I'd consumed over the previous 12 hours. It was cathartic, and disgusting.

A lot's happened since then: the Panthers purged their defensive coaching staff, Peppers said he wanted out, and, in the most encouraging news since January 10th, Steve Smith has spent the past week at the Pro Bowl recruiting Anquan Boldin. I'm wearily hopeful for the next season. The 2008-9 campaign was one that I will cherish and keep with me forever. The highs were high, the lows were pitiful. I'll remember all the beer and wings, I'll remember the San Diego and Oakland games, I'll remember it all. And I'll forget the Arizona game.

Staring out at the vast wasteland that is the offseason, I'll keep tabs on my Panthers as my passion and fury spends some time with the Bobcats. I was able to attend the double-overtime Laker game a few weeks back and it served as a worthy substitute until football comes back.

In the meantime, everyone should enjoy the probability that Jordan Farmar has this video playing in his locker, which is RIGHT NEXT to Morrison.


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Today In History: One Week Ago

Nacho: Ah, but to be back in those halcyon days, when the world was full of wonder and fecund with possibility. I'm talking, of course, about last Monday: January 28th, 2008. While the world of sports slogged through a needless bye week before the inevitable Patriots Super Bowl victory, we grappled for some other sport to step up to the plate. For me, that sport was basketball; namely, the Charlotte Bobcats taking on the Los Angeles Clippers.

My christmas present had been two seats, fifteen rows behind the Bobcats bench. I entertained a wild fantasy where I'd show up, dressed exactly like Adam Morrison (pictured above)and, since Sam Vincent's just a first year coach, I could slip onto the end of the bench. Vincent, in his inexperience, would confuse me with the REAL Adam Morrison, and BAM! the next thing you know, I'm jawing with Sam Cassell.

Alas, the 'Cats didn't quite follow the plan and showed up in the Orange unis:

I always associate orange with winners.

The rest of my adventure in the center of Staples, after...

Nacho: So we got to our seats, and I immediately started looking around for someone to slap. Turns out he was off daydreaming about a Dreamboat. Go figure.

There was no Penny Marshall sightings, but Billy Crystal was in the house. He ate popcorn a lot:

He sits with his legs crossed all night.

Since Billy was nice enough to come out to see my boys, I thought I'd send him a shout out.

Cool people will recognize my last four digits.

Although we were totally acknowledging one another every time out, Adam Morrison blew me off. Even at the end of the game, when we moved really close to the bench and a section of fans kept taunting me. Morrison, I'm giving you one more chance: March 28th, 2008. Lakers, Bobcats. You blow me off then, I burn your bobblehead and demand a trade. Sorry.

But this story has a happy ending: after Morrison stalked away, Jeff McInnis, a true Charlotte boy, tossed me his headband. Jeff McInnis is the coolest pro baller I've ever met.

That thing is extremely sweaty. Extremely.

Naturally, I DVR'ed the game, so we drove straight home and scanned forward to the end. I think this image speaks droves because the Bobcats have just won the game, and no one is more excited than I.

This West Coast road trip is gonna go GREAT!

All in all, it was a splendid night. I really wish Adam Morrison wasn't such a jerk and took a picture with me. Jeff McInnis is awesome; and the Bobcats are on a roll!

Well, tomorrow night's a big night so we're gonna do some drinking. Hope to see you out there.

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Goodbye My Loooooooove!

Brethren: Update that just broke on NBA All Access: Charlotte: The Bobcats have traded Walter Herrmann and Primoz Brecez to Detroit for center Nazr Mohammad.



The SportsBrethren are noted lovers of the Argentine, but neither of us really cared for The Big Duck, Primoz. And honestly, I think I like Nazr Mohammad as a big defender to take some pressure of Mek in the post.

But part of me is a little stunned we're losing Herrmann.

More gut reactions after:


Brethren (cont'd): Bill Walton got pretty excited about our starting five now with The Nazr at the 5, Mek at the 4, GForce and JRich on the wings, and Ray Ray running the show. I see how on paper that team looks better than with Primoz tipping off.

Off the bench, we've now got Jeff "Playground Brethren" McInnis, Jared Dudley, Matt Carroll, DAnderson, Ryan Hollins, Othella Harrington, and Jamareo Davidson.

So we lose Fabio, gain some good size, and that's where we stand. Sigh.

Herrmann, you were loved by these two. As a Detroit Piston, you will still be loved. In the words of the greatest comedy ever, "Goodbye, my looooove! "



And scene.

PS: Oh, and my Lord, Morrison looks fantastically white trash. I love him.




Nacho: And now, in honor of the best player on the Magic., here's some shitty poetry...

Walt.
Herrmann.
Whatever we were calling you,
Rest assured,
That name will be shouted out from the rooftops of Charlotte tonight.
As evening falls and you take the floor
one,
final
time;
resplendent in your orange and blue,
I'll host a party in your honor, and raise a glass to all we've been through.

Walter, sweet Walter
You had to spread your wings.
You've left us with a Nazi prophet
Which is just fine by me.
Bill Walton thinks the trade is fair,
And he might be right at that,
But I'd give up all the Primoz in the world,
Just to have you back.

I'd like to point out that Walter Herrmann had the best sports quote I've read in a while. From this video:

Lady, if you can't take a death threat, you shouldn't be in the NBA.

Godspeed, you magnificent bastard. Godspeed indeed.

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The Cerberus of Beauty

Nacho: Ladies and gentlemen, we are the precipice of something bigger than ourselves. Gone are the concerns over production like points, rebounds, assists and whatnot. This year, the Charlotte Bobcats have their sights set on one goal and one goal only: To put together the ugliest team, with the most beautiful hair in NBA history!

Learn the identity of the three-headed beast, after...



It all started when we used the third pick in a (not so) loaded draft to get this adorable punim:

Sitting on a Noxema gold mine!

Morrison's known league-round as the only player to look better as a videogame character.

Then, last year, we signed this bastion of beauty to a nice deal:

Please to be touching the balls for Walter?

And now, for the final piece of the puzzle. The Cavs have a week to match the offer, but they don't really need him, and the Bobcats sure could use him. Let's see whose behind door number three....

Hide your heart girls
The Dirty Varj is comin'

There you have it folks. Christmas comes early to the Herbal Essence folks, and they're no stranger to filming three dudes showering. (NSFW, but hilarious.)

Brethren: Ya know, it's kinda like that old YMCA "bark like a dog" play, where on an in-bounds pass, all four players get on hands and knees and start barking like dogs. Then, as the opposite team stands around befuddled, the closest "dogg" to the hoop stands up, receives the pass, and misses a lay-up.

In our professional case, the Bobcats are putting odd-looking dudes on the court, and surrounding them without talent that is unassumedly good (Gerald Wallace, JRich, Ray Ray, Mek) in hopes that other teams will be distracted by the Mustache, Fabio, and SideShow Bob.

Now, only if we can sign Rik Smits, convince him to grow a mullet, and bring in Kurt Rambis to coach -- wearing goggles -- we'd be truly dominant.
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