Today In History: One Week Ago

Nacho: Ah, but to be back in those halcyon days, when the world was full of wonder and fecund with possibility. I'm talking, of course, about last Monday: January 28th, 2008. While the world of sports slogged through a needless bye week before the inevitable Patriots Super Bowl victory, we grappled for some other sport to step up to the plate. For me, that sport was basketball; namely, the Charlotte Bobcats taking on the Los Angeles Clippers.

My christmas present had been two seats, fifteen rows behind the Bobcats bench. I entertained a wild fantasy where I'd show up, dressed exactly like Adam Morrison (pictured above)and, since Sam Vincent's just a first year coach, I could slip onto the end of the bench. Vincent, in his inexperience, would confuse me with the REAL Adam Morrison, and BAM! the next thing you know, I'm jawing with Sam Cassell.

Alas, the 'Cats didn't quite follow the plan and showed up in the Orange unis:

I always associate orange with winners.

The rest of my adventure in the center of Staples, after...

Nacho: So we got to our seats, and I immediately started looking around for someone to slap. Turns out he was off daydreaming about a Dreamboat. Go figure.

There was no Penny Marshall sightings, but Billy Crystal was in the house. He ate popcorn a lot:

He sits with his legs crossed all night.

Since Billy was nice enough to come out to see my boys, I thought I'd send him a shout out.

Cool people will recognize my last four digits.

Although we were totally acknowledging one another every time out, Adam Morrison blew me off. Even at the end of the game, when we moved really close to the bench and a section of fans kept taunting me. Morrison, I'm giving you one more chance: March 28th, 2008. Lakers, Bobcats. You blow me off then, I burn your bobblehead and demand a trade. Sorry.

But this story has a happy ending: after Morrison stalked away, Jeff McInnis, a true Charlotte boy, tossed me his headband. Jeff McInnis is the coolest pro baller I've ever met.

That thing is extremely sweaty. Extremely.

Naturally, I DVR'ed the game, so we drove straight home and scanned forward to the end. I think this image speaks droves because the Bobcats have just won the game, and no one is more excited than I.

This West Coast road trip is gonna go GREAT!

All in all, it was a splendid night. I really wish Adam Morrison wasn't such a jerk and took a picture with me. Jeff McInnis is awesome; and the Bobcats are on a roll!

Well, tomorrow night's a big night so we're gonna do some drinking. Hope to see you out there.

The Jump

The Cerberus of Beauty

Nacho: Ladies and gentlemen, we are the precipice of something bigger than ourselves. Gone are the concerns over production like points, rebounds, assists and whatnot. This year, the Charlotte Bobcats have their sights set on one goal and one goal only: To put together the ugliest team, with the most beautiful hair in NBA history!

Learn the identity of the three-headed beast, after...



It all started when we used the third pick in a (not so) loaded draft to get this adorable punim:

Sitting on a Noxema gold mine!

Morrison's known league-round as the only player to look better as a videogame character.

Then, last year, we signed this bastion of beauty to a nice deal:

Please to be touching the balls for Walter?

And now, for the final piece of the puzzle. The Cavs have a week to match the offer, but they don't really need him, and the Bobcats sure could use him. Let's see whose behind door number three....

Hide your heart girls
The Dirty Varj is comin'

There you have it folks. Christmas comes early to the Herbal Essence folks, and they're no stranger to filming three dudes showering. (NSFW, but hilarious.)

Brethren: Ya know, it's kinda like that old YMCA "bark like a dog" play, where on an in-bounds pass, all four players get on hands and knees and start barking like dogs. Then, as the opposite team stands around befuddled, the closest "dogg" to the hoop stands up, receives the pass, and misses a lay-up.

In our professional case, the Bobcats are putting odd-looking dudes on the court, and surrounding them without talent that is unassumedly good (Gerald Wallace, JRich, Ray Ray, Mek) in hopes that other teams will be distracted by the Mustache, Fabio, and SideShow Bob.

Now, only if we can sign Rik Smits, convince him to grow a mullet, and bring in Kurt Rambis to coach -- wearing goggles -- we'd be truly dominant.
The Jump