Goodbye My Loooooooove!

Brethren: Update that just broke on NBA All Access: Charlotte: The Bobcats have traded Walter Herrmann and Primoz Brecez to Detroit for center Nazr Mohammad.



The SportsBrethren are noted lovers of the Argentine, but neither of us really cared for The Big Duck, Primoz. And honestly, I think I like Nazr Mohammad as a big defender to take some pressure of Mek in the post.

But part of me is a little stunned we're losing Herrmann.

More gut reactions after:


Brethren (cont'd): Bill Walton got pretty excited about our starting five now with The Nazr at the 5, Mek at the 4, GForce and JRich on the wings, and Ray Ray running the show. I see how on paper that team looks better than with Primoz tipping off.

Off the bench, we've now got Jeff "Playground Brethren" McInnis, Jared Dudley, Matt Carroll, DAnderson, Ryan Hollins, Othella Harrington, and Jamareo Davidson.

So we lose Fabio, gain some good size, and that's where we stand. Sigh.

Herrmann, you were loved by these two. As a Detroit Piston, you will still be loved. In the words of the greatest comedy ever, "Goodbye, my looooove! "



And scene.

PS: Oh, and my Lord, Morrison looks fantastically white trash. I love him.




Nacho: And now, in honor of the best player on the Magic., here's some shitty poetry...

Walt.
Herrmann.
Whatever we were calling you,
Rest assured,
That name will be shouted out from the rooftops of Charlotte tonight.
As evening falls and you take the floor
one,
final
time;
resplendent in your orange and blue,
I'll host a party in your honor, and raise a glass to all we've been through.

Walter, sweet Walter
You had to spread your wings.
You've left us with a Nazi prophet
Which is just fine by me.
Bill Walton thinks the trade is fair,
And he might be right at that,
But I'd give up all the Primoz in the world,
Just to have you back.

I'd like to point out that Walter Herrmann had the best sports quote I've read in a while. From this video:

Lady, if you can't take a death threat, you shouldn't be in the NBA.

Godspeed, you magnificent bastard. Godspeed indeed.

The Jump

The Cerberus of Beauty

Nacho: Ladies and gentlemen, we are the precipice of something bigger than ourselves. Gone are the concerns over production like points, rebounds, assists and whatnot. This year, the Charlotte Bobcats have their sights set on one goal and one goal only: To put together the ugliest team, with the most beautiful hair in NBA history!

Learn the identity of the three-headed beast, after...



It all started when we used the third pick in a (not so) loaded draft to get this adorable punim:

Sitting on a Noxema gold mine!

Morrison's known league-round as the only player to look better as a videogame character.

Then, last year, we signed this bastion of beauty to a nice deal:

Please to be touching the balls for Walter?

And now, for the final piece of the puzzle. The Cavs have a week to match the offer, but they don't really need him, and the Bobcats sure could use him. Let's see whose behind door number three....

Hide your heart girls
The Dirty Varj is comin'

There you have it folks. Christmas comes early to the Herbal Essence folks, and they're no stranger to filming three dudes showering. (NSFW, but hilarious.)

Brethren: Ya know, it's kinda like that old YMCA "bark like a dog" play, where on an in-bounds pass, all four players get on hands and knees and start barking like dogs. Then, as the opposite team stands around befuddled, the closest "dogg" to the hoop stands up, receives the pass, and misses a lay-up.

In our professional case, the Bobcats are putting odd-looking dudes on the court, and surrounding them without talent that is unassumedly good (Gerald Wallace, JRich, Ray Ray, Mek) in hopes that other teams will be distracted by the Mustache, Fabio, and SideShow Bob.

Now, only if we can sign Rik Smits, convince him to grow a mullet, and bring in Kurt Rambis to coach -- wearing goggles -- we'd be truly dominant.
The Jump

Buttin' The Dam

Nacho: The last time the NBA played a game, I watched Stone Buddah and the Spurs demolish the Global Icons from a quaint, paradisal place called Jaco, Costa Rica. Those were heady days; when the children Partied Like Rock Stars and George Clooney's band of rapscallions delighted audiences the world over in "Ocean's 13".

Ah, but those days are long gone.

Today's basketball landscape is filled with limitless possibilities. In an age when even the Celtics look like even they might win a game or two, the sky's the limit. All it takes is a little ram-like determination and the NBA world is your oyster.

Lets all climb on Walter Herrmann's back and help move the rubber tree plant that is the NBA, after...


Nacho cont'd: I don't think it's too hyperbolic to say that Bobcats rival Boston in their off-season awesomeness. At least we didn't need a blockbuster trade to deflect attention away from some bad press. See, that's Stern's always been masterful at: deflecting attention. Baseball and football hogging all the press? DRESS CODE/NEW BALL! Fistfight at Madison Square Garden? AI FINALLY GETS TRADED! Ref fixing games? GARNETT TO A FORMERLY HAPLESS FRANCHISE! Stern's good at that kind of thing.

But I'm excited. We've got J Rich and Wallace for a lil while, Jared Dudley's gonna have a bigger impact than most first rounders, and most importantly we've got a man who can dunk a ball while it's on fire:

Walter Herrmann's like a real-life
Arch Rivals player with a hot hand
Brethren: Don't have a lot of time to add much before I head out to a bar to meet a fellow Charlotte sports scene fan to watch the Bobcats-Bucks home opener, but I have a few thoughts:

- Yes, we had to call several bars before finding a place with the NBA League pass and enough TVs to actually put the Bobcats on. It's cool; we're determined like that.

- Nacho and I have an inside man who works for the Bobcats, and we should be getting reports from him every so often this season. We can be like Simmons and "call our friend who knows things from the inside." It'll be cool.

- Now that some power has shifted to the East, people are doubting the Bobcats' chances at making the playoffs. They doubt the frontline. They doubt the ability to overcome injuries. Well, fuck them, is what I say. We have the power of the Hermann and GForce -- they shall take us far.
The Jump