Pants Party! Pants Party! Pants Party!

Nacho: As it's Friday, I reckon I should dole out a little more info about the upcoming Primary Pants Party. I'm sure we've all been following along with the Frolicking Foibles of Fearless Leader, so I'd like to take a moment to discuss another aspect of the evening that you might not be aware of.

There will be Guitar Hero. There will be The Wheel of Booze. There Will Be Blood. But, in addition to all that, there will be Primary results. This Tuesday ain't just some run-of-the-mill, following-Monday-like-oh-so-many-sheep Tuesday. This is fucking Super Tuesday. So get out there, rock the vote, and afterwards, come watch as the field of presidential candidates dwindles ever further.

All your questions answered, after...

Nacho cont'd: Lets take some inquriries, shall we?

Scott W. (Clemson, SC): I'm a soccer fan, and as such, I was wondering where Will Leitch's book signing is going down in Los Angeles.

SportsBrethren: Good question, Scott, and sorry to hear about the whole soccer thing. Will's book signing and Masterpiece Theater will be happening on Tuesday, February 5th, at Book Soup, at 7pm. Need a map of Book Soup? We've got you covered.

John S. (Plano, TX): At this book signing, will there be punch and pie?

SB: We can neither confirm, nor deny, the existence of neither punch, nor pie, at the book signing.

Lindsay P. (Gastonia, NC): I love dentistry almost as I love getting crunk. The last time I got snockered in a book store, I ended up distributing the What Happening To My Body Book For Boys to a group of elementary students.

There's a twist at the end.

SB Well, Lindsay, while I didn't hear a question in there, I will state that there will be an after-party. This Post Signing Primary Pants Party is going down at Big Wangs Wings Sports Bar in Hollywood. Need a map to get you from Book Soup to Big Wangs? Here ya go:


View Larger Map

Big Wangs is located at 1562 N Cahuenga Blvd, 90028 a scant 3 miles from Book Soup. Just head east on Sunset, turn left when you see the Cinerama Dome and Amoeba Music and it's in the strip mall on the right, one block up.

Guido J. (Patagonia): Yes, but what time will all this madness be taking place?

SB: Fearless Leader ballparks it around 8:30pm, so come on down. We'll watch some primary results, pontificate on the future of our country, then rock out some Guitar Hero. If this shit ends up silly, like Huckabee/Edwards silly, we're gonna need to blow off some steam. Muse should suffice.

Tiny (Compton, CA): I hate words.

SB: Well, then here's an awesome video our friend Alexis made for her own Primary Party, that we will gladly show you:



Bambi (Reno, NV) Why won't you visit your child, Nacho? He's got your fucking eyes! Why won't you talk to us?! What have we done to deserve this?!

/slaps a ho

SB: You know what you did.

So there it is folks, all the news that's fit to print. If you'd like to pummel us for more information, feel free to just send us an email at: SportsBrethren@gmail.com. We'll be happy to take any questions, comments, or paternity tests, so long as your not a filthy whore from Reno.

Have a nice weekend, and enjoy the Super Bowl, urrbody.

Come for the politics,
stay for the videogames!
The Jump

Take It To The Bank: The Offseason

Nacho: So here we are, it's January and the Panthers, not unlike the Sports Brethren, are twiddling their thumbs. Now, here's your middle of the week re-cap of everything that will happen between now and the start of next season:

- The Panthers will address several of their many weaknesses in the draft, and lay low during free agency.

- The Bobcats will beat the Clippers on January 28th in Staples Center. While they might not voice it specifically, the majority of the team will attribute their victory to the crazed lunatic that kept distracting the Clips.

- The Bobcats will miss the playoffs.

- The Patriots will win the Super Bowl.

- Will Leitch will rock out at the Guitar Hero tournament.

- Vegas will never be the same.

For more check-in-the-mail certainties, join us desde

Nacho cont'd: I will find another job.

- LOST will be amazing.

- Scrubs will never get to shoot their finale.

Brethren: And for that, Brethren will probably cry for hours in the dark while wearing his Scrubs scrubs.

Some more absolutes in our world of uncertainity:

- The Panthers will take a defensive player in the first round of the NFL draft.

- I will dominate whomever I take on in the "NBA Equivalent Game," a spin-off of our "MLB Equivalent Game"

- I'll get a little sad (as I am right now) whenever I see Walter Herrmann in a Pistons uniform.

- The world of professional sand soccer will never be the same.

- The Panthers don't fire Jeff Davidson then hire Cam Cameron as Offensive Coordinator, even though Nacho just got a boner for me mentioning it. Ha ha, boner.

- JLew will continue to turn to blowing cocaine off stripper's tits as he has graduated from Clemson and moved to DC. It is, after all, DC.


- Nacho will care much more about POTUS '08 than Brethren will, but we'll both be sorely disappointed Ron Paul doesn't get a nomination.

- We'll make enough insightful posts about the Panthers to ensure young William selects us to write Deadspin's NFL Preview '08

- We'll rock out. Both with and without our cocks out.
The Jump