Get Me Ookie

Nacho: Well, it looks like the Hobbling Jesus is gonna sit this one out and we're sending in the Hair against the Titans on Sunday. This reminded me of an oddity on Yahoo's waiver wire. It seems that Michael Vick is ranking better than the Hair, and quite a few other QBs as well:



Seriously? Someone get David Carr a bucket of kittens.? How dare Yahoo disgrace the Sex Cannon like so? Something tells me Vick's gonna be a on bye week for a while longer.

Brethren's thoughts on this weekend's game, after...


Brethren: It's Week 9 of the NFL season, and you would think my liver knows what's coming come Sunday, as the Panthers try to stay perfect on the road against the Titans. I can kinda feel it quiver and twinge a little every now and again during the week in fear/anticipation of an NFL Sunday. But I mean, really, those pitchers aren't drinking themselves. To the games:

- The Hair will have to answer a lot of questions this weekend, such as: Do you know who Steve Smith is? (Doubtful) Can you look more like a girl? (Doubtful) Can you win as a Panthers QB looking like a girl and only throwing to Jeff King? (Again, doubtful)

- As you can see, the Carolina faithful do not have much faith in The Hair. Please prove us wrong, pretty boy.

- I usually look at the lines for every game when trying to choose my Survival Pool pick during the week and I tend to gravitate towards the highest lines (after all, Vegas tends to know what they're doing). This week, not one line really stands out to me (I've already used Pittsburgh and A Whale's Vagina, so their high lines don't count). Methinks one or more of the remaining 12 of us will not make it out of the weekend.

- Who's New England got this week?

- An epic ACC battle awaits us at 12 noon on Saturday: The Deamon Deacons and their coach with the last name that is not far off from the last night of our coach come to Charlottesville to try to impose their brand of football upon the Wahoos. If I know anything about Chris Long, he won't have any of that.

- Then again, Mike Groh is involved, so who knows if we can overcome our own Offensive Coordinator.

- And of course, Bobcats basketball starts Friday! Bring on the Chairman and the Bucks. Onward to the playoffs, boys!

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Slippery Slopes: A Modest Proposal

Occasionally, we'll read something and get into an iChat conversation where we take a subject and run. We gleefully ride the Slippery Slope.

Nacho: Today we tackle the "lesser of two evils" du jour: Michael Vick.

The FanHaus pointed out this essay by Lawrence O'Donnell wherein Mr. O'Donnell asks the entirely-too-logical question of "What's So Wrong About Killing Dogs?" It's an interesting notion that reminded me of the work by Johnathan Swift that has the greatest title ever, "A Modest Proposal."

You can't look at the Ookie situation the way O'Donnell does because to do so would be to do so without the empathy and morality that we cherish as Western humans. Jon Stewart does a pretty good job of pointing that out.

So with the Irish sensibility for hyperbole in our veins, lets slide down the slippery slope, after

(UPDATE: MJD's DeBrief takes a similar stance, and hey, we both make a 300 joke, so, y'know, woohoo!)



Other Possible Essays:

"What's So Wrong About Killing Dinosaurs" by T. K. Extinction-Event

"What's So Wrong About Killing Spartans?" by Xerxes

"What's So Wrong About Killing Henchmen" by Topper Harley

On a sidenote, I'd like to highlight the good story coming out of Georgia sports these days: For the second year in a row a team from the Peach state won the Little League World Series. Congratulations! Also, a father of one of the players was interviewed during the game. He quit his job to follow his son's journey throughout the Series, and Erin Andrews reported he had had some job offers for after the game. Hooray human interest stories!

Our 46th best state beat the Japanese.

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In Sounds From Way Out: Brethren on the Dirty South

Occasionally we'll weigh in on issues involving people and places we have no real connection to, other than we wanna talk about them.

Today's topic: PacMan Jones & Michael Vick.

Nacho: Smells a little like hypocrisy that Goodell laid down the hammer on PacMan before anything'd gone down in the court of law, and yet is holding out for more info on Vick. Vick's crimes seem a tad more carnal, a little more incomprehensible, and the gut reactions inevitably tend towards the worst case scenarios a little easier. I find I'm thinking more about this whole shebang's impact will have on the NFC South and whether or not Athur Blank regrets shipping out Schaub.


Always had a soft spot for Matt, felt he was the only QB trying to run an offense in Atlanta. This'll either inspire a wonder year for Vick, or he'll be bogged down in so many legal proceedings Joey Harrington will get to have his "Paul Blake" year.

Full synopsis, desde de



Either way, the Falcons could end up as bad as the Bucs, which really won't matter cuz the Cats and the Saints are going to be battling for the NFC championship all year.

I can has stripper?

As for PacMan, he does seem to have been given the short shrift with his handling, but it's rather disturbing we had to have Ookie electrocute a dog for us to feel that way. PacMan's gotta be feeling pretty good; his people can spin him as "hey-at-least-I'm-not-Ookie" Man. Obviously his absence really puts a hurtin' on the Titans defensive backfield, but Vince has a few more years before he's got them Super Bowl ready. This is a big hit, but who knows, they're already letting him practice with the team, so your guess is as good as mine.

Brethren: See, I can kinda agree with the Big Brother Goodell. PacMan's been arrested five times and been involved in 10 allegations since he entered the NFL. That's not good for any business trying to build a community-image. Which is not necessarily what the NFL is all about; but it can't be good when the team Pacman play(ed) for lives in Nashvegas. I know folks from the Vegas, and they don't take too kind to them sorts of behavior.

As for Ookie, I mean, pret-tay pret-tay sick. Not giving the Bad Newz a good name. But who are we kidding, Newport News, VA, never had a dece name, let alone a good one. And if the Commish hasn't come down on him so hard yet and wants to live behind the "legal justice" thing, then I suppose I can see why. The whole "hypocripsy" argument is really in-one-ear-out-the-other when it comes with dealing with public figures these days.

Don't have much funny to add, especially because the one buddy I know who has hung out with Ookie -- even played PS2 with him! -- hasn't come forward with any tales of Vick back in the day wrasslin his dogs.

What I can say is I just got back from seeing Demetri Martin at the UCB Theatre SummerStage show in Central Park, and that sir is much funnier than myself, so I'll end with his material (paraphrased if not exactly correct):

"I used to follow sports. But I was disappointed because I was always more interested in seeing the two animals fight than the teams that took their names play. Colts vs. Bears? Yes! Wizards vs. Heat? Sweet! Magic vs. Jazz? I dunno, that sounds a little gay to me."

And the one he ended with:
"I always get frustrated by Asian twins. So you two do look alike?"

-- Nacho Friendly and Brethren

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