In Sounds from Way Out: I Heart You

Occasionally we'll weigh in on issues involving people and places we have no real connection to, other than we wanna talk about them.

Today's topic: I Heart You.

Brethren: If you're at all like me, then one of the first things you try to do everyday is get to the office early enough to read the Charlotte Observer Sports section.

I'm a creature of habit, and I've been reading that thing since I was knee high to a duck. Just because I haven't lived in Charlotte in a litte over four years hasn't stopped me since I discovered these here Interwebs.

So each morning, I try to find 5-10 minutes to read what good old Tom Sorensen, Scott Fowler, Stan Olson, Pat Yasinkas, et al, have to say about the Panthers, the Bobcats, the ACC, and Charlotte High School Sports (who dat #3 in the Sweet Sixteen).

Well today, I didn't get the chance to check out the Observer until after I finished work, round 7 PM EST. And boy did I find a gem in today's paper. Read on through to find out:



Brethren (cont'd): Wait for it.

Wait for it.

Boom: Panthers WR Steve Smith likes the Notebook!


Great googily moogily. The diminuitive man who absolutley destroys the defensive backfields of the NFL can also admit to the world he's a fan of this.

I -- for one -- applaud the man. I am not nearly as manly and tough and tenacious as Steve Smith, but even I have a tough time admitting that I watched "The Holiday" twice in the same weekend with my Momma back in May. I have no trouble telling a few friends here and there in private that I'm a fan of chick flicks, when done right.

But even as a self-proclaimed chick flick fan, I've had a hard time getting myself to watch a movie that nearly every girl I've ever known put on her F'Book profile as one of her favorite movies. I was in a relationship once where the gf wanted me to watch two movies and I refused the entire time we dated: "Mulan" and "The Notebook."

Now? Well, shit, if Steve Smith can like "The Notebook," then maybe I can too.

But fuck that "Mulan" shit.

FYI: Happy Talk Like A Pirate Day! YARRRRR!

Nacho:Do you enjoy vaginoplasty? Then you'll love "The Notebook," apparently. I wouldn't know cuz I never seen it, but from extensive research I've learn'd that people cry. Crying blows. I also worked on the Lindsay Lohan vehicle, "Just My Luck," and tears were shed, but not due to sadness or revenge. (Brethren: She hit the slopes.)


In my humle opinion I, too, miss the Observer's Sports Section, and Brethren's just reminded me how good they are. Onward, to the Falcons!
The Jump

In Sounds From Way Out: Pirates and Pirate Hookers

Occasionally we'll weigh in on issues involving people and places we have no real connection to, other than we wanna talk about them.

Today's topic: Pirates and Pirate Hookers.

Brethren: No

I won't believe it.

Mental Floss, Maggie Koerth, CNN.com: You listen here and you listen good. I don't care none for your Chinese myths and your sullying of the good names that feared Pirate Dudes have had for all eternity.

There just ain't no way a woman was the most feared/most awesome/best Pirate on the seas. None.

You see, I know me some pirates.

I've dressed as them for Halloween.

Note: That may not actually be Brethren.


More ruminations and diatribes, after



Brethren, cont'd:

I've sailed the seas of the Caribbean with 12 other drunken pirate/sailors for a week under the good Pirate flag. That same flag now acts as the main decor in the living room of my Manhattan apartment.

Note: SB'07. Yarrrrr.

I've made a pilgrimage to the North American Mecca of Pirates: Gasparilla.

Note: Multicultural yarrr. GFR: Gaspa-Fuckin-Rilla.


I've seen The Lost Colony several times.

Ok, so that might be about Injuns and the White Man, but the last time I saw this show, I was 8, and I'm pretty sure Pirates and Injuns were one and the same kind of awesome back then.



So I'm pretty sure I've made myself clear: I know pirates. And yes, there could have been some Pirate Hookers back in the day who helped the Cause and were useful on a pirate ship. But I don't care how "ahead of her time" or "exemplary" her "business practices"* were: She couldn't be more badass than Henry Morgan, the guy who used Jesuits as human shields when attacking. She couldn't have been meaner than Blackbeard, the pirate so fearsome that Alex Spotswood (!) needed him dead.

(above): The Alex Spotswood I know.

And there's no way she could have gone against a Sicilian when death is on the line!

No. No. NO. I just won't have it. Pirate Hookers are useful. Chicks that dress up like Pirates can be hot. But the most successful pirate in HISTORY being a dudette??? Not happening. Not in the Sports Brethren book. Not anywhere.


(* Except for that rule about ugly chicks being thrown off the ship. I liked that one. Bravo, Cheng I Sao.)

Nacho: I sent Brethren that article cuz I knew it would light a fire under him like Zeus. As far as pirates go, I have the 1991-2 Pittsburgh Pirates team card framed mosaic; it's the one with Skinny Barry. Aside from that, a healthy portion of my hard-earned money goes to the rum industry, specifically the Mo, (when you know him as I do, the Cap'n is on a nickname basis.) Anyway, I'd just like to say that if pirates, pirate hookers, or just traveling across an ocean is your thang, check out this huge effing ship.




The Jump

In Sounds From Way Out: Brethren on the Dirty South

Occasionally we'll weigh in on issues involving people and places we have no real connection to, other than we wanna talk about them.

Today's topic: PacMan Jones & Michael Vick.

Nacho: Smells a little like hypocrisy that Goodell laid down the hammer on PacMan before anything'd gone down in the court of law, and yet is holding out for more info on Vick. Vick's crimes seem a tad more carnal, a little more incomprehensible, and the gut reactions inevitably tend towards the worst case scenarios a little easier. I find I'm thinking more about this whole shebang's impact will have on the NFC South and whether or not Athur Blank regrets shipping out Schaub.


Always had a soft spot for Matt, felt he was the only QB trying to run an offense in Atlanta. This'll either inspire a wonder year for Vick, or he'll be bogged down in so many legal proceedings Joey Harrington will get to have his "Paul Blake" year.

Full synopsis, desde de



Either way, the Falcons could end up as bad as the Bucs, which really won't matter cuz the Cats and the Saints are going to be battling for the NFC championship all year.

I can has stripper?

As for PacMan, he does seem to have been given the short shrift with his handling, but it's rather disturbing we had to have Ookie electrocute a dog for us to feel that way. PacMan's gotta be feeling pretty good; his people can spin him as "hey-at-least-I'm-not-Ookie" Man. Obviously his absence really puts a hurtin' on the Titans defensive backfield, but Vince has a few more years before he's got them Super Bowl ready. This is a big hit, but who knows, they're already letting him practice with the team, so your guess is as good as mine.

Brethren: See, I can kinda agree with the Big Brother Goodell. PacMan's been arrested five times and been involved in 10 allegations since he entered the NFL. That's not good for any business trying to build a community-image. Which is not necessarily what the NFL is all about; but it can't be good when the team Pacman play(ed) for lives in Nashvegas. I know folks from the Vegas, and they don't take too kind to them sorts of behavior.

As for Ookie, I mean, pret-tay pret-tay sick. Not giving the Bad Newz a good name. But who are we kidding, Newport News, VA, never had a dece name, let alone a good one. And if the Commish hasn't come down on him so hard yet and wants to live behind the "legal justice" thing, then I suppose I can see why. The whole "hypocripsy" argument is really in-one-ear-out-the-other when it comes with dealing with public figures these days.

Don't have much funny to add, especially because the one buddy I know who has hung out with Ookie -- even played PS2 with him! -- hasn't come forward with any tales of Vick back in the day wrasslin his dogs.

What I can say is I just got back from seeing Demetri Martin at the UCB Theatre SummerStage show in Central Park, and that sir is much funnier than myself, so I'll end with his material (paraphrased if not exactly correct):

"I used to follow sports. But I was disappointed because I was always more interested in seeing the two animals fight than the teams that took their names play. Colts vs. Bears? Yes! Wizards vs. Heat? Sweet! Magic vs. Jazz? I dunno, that sounds a little gay to me."

And the one he ended with:
"I always get frustrated by Asian twins. So you two do look alike?"

-- Nacho Friendly and Brethren

The Jump