Week 7: You're On, Leitch!

Nacho: Sorry for the late post; the Panthers systematic dismantling of the New Orleans Saints was just so impressive. And impressive has become the norm this season. The SportsBrethren haven't grown lazy, we're both hard at work at the day jobs, and this Panther team is a great one to get drunk to.

Jake looked great, our D stood their ground on not one, but two fourth downs, and in the end the Cats were atop the NFC South, along with the Pirates. We host a team we beat in their own house last year. I'd bet good money they're looking to do the same to us, and I hear someone might've had their jaw rewired, just to play us. This has all the makings of a game where we sleep on the visiting squad and end up getting embarrassed in front of our home fans. Beware, and be awesome, Cats.

Here and now, I make a bet. Before I do, everyone should know: I never gamble unless I'm certain I'm going to win. Anyway, here's the bet:

I'll be in New York City visiting Brethren for the Varsity Letters series with Big Daddy Drew and Buzz, November 7th thru 9th. I bet here & now the princely sum of one beer that the Carolina Panthers will defeat the Buzzsaw That Is The Arizona Cardinals, to you, Will Leitch.

If you're not in a wedding in Buffalo that weekend, that is.

Beer's in your court, Dawg.

Of course, if you wanna go all Mayors-Of-Super-Bowl-Teams, I'll put a pulled pork sandwich and one surviving national bank against whatever rural Illinois is known for (manners?), but in all honesty, beer's fine.

a video of a drunk pig, after....





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Week 6: The Suck

Brethren: This week's listless game on the road against Tampa was incredibly frustrating. The Panthers lost 27-3, but the worst part was that they never once seemed like they were in the game. It was gut-wrenching to watch, as the Panthers seemed sluggish, slow, ill-prepared, and like they simply didn't give a fuck.

The team is trying to spin it as just another loss -- that losing by 24 counts just as much as losing by 1. While that's certainly the right attitude for my team to have, it does not at all convey my emotions while watching this team two days ago.

My true anger has mostly subsided, as I'm doing the tried and true, "ignore-stomach-let the insides simmer" treatment that all great Cloud men employ, so that this bottled-up choler just festers inside, until one day, it'll come violently spilling out when aggressively drinking Grandpa's Old Cough Medicine.

Besides, I've got a full report from the Cap'n that's full of venom and froth. The jump'll contain that, some odd musings from me, and a report from Nacho -- who was at a wedding this weekend and didn't catch the game at all. Lucky him.

Follow me. Follow me to freedom...


Cap'n Pappy: OK here goes: In a weekend when my college teams (UVA and the Gators) refused to go down, the Panthers were pitiful. In the case of both college teams, the first half was well played. After the half, both teams' opponents made a run out of the chute. However, in both cases the Cavaliers and Gators shook off the pressure and instead of playing not to lose, they got aggressive and gutted it out to prevail.

Now we come to the Panthers. This game was so "shades of the last 2 years" in so many ways. The Panthers have fallen prey to playing the entire game the way they play the first series of downs. After a smokin' game against the Chiefs (yes, they are as bad as beef BBQ), they came to the Pirate Ship with more offensive weapons, a suffocating defense, and special teams vastly improved over last year. Whereupon, somehow Smitty got lost out there. Jake threw one way while his receivers broke the other. We got another freaking punt blocked!!!! And we continue to get motion penalties on offense.

In a mirror image nightmare reversal of my college teams, the Panthers come back at the end of the first half only to throw an interception, turning an almost certain less than 7 point deficit into a 2 touchdown deficit. We then come out from the halftime and promptly get punted onto the 1 yard line. Whereupon we run 3 times into the line and we're out. Thankfully, our end zone punt wasn't blocked. After this series, we were notably silent. Where was the 1-2 punch of DeAngelo and Stewart, the bestial defense of just last week, and the special teams that gave the Chiefs the back of their hand? They mailed it in.

Note to John Fox: "It is what it is" as a response to this week's Pirate Ship showing is not going to cut it. It is time to expect more from these professionals or bench/fine them.

You miss a block that costs points: go sit!

You flinch on the line and turn a 3d & 4 into a 3d & 9: go sit!

You arm tackle or try to bump somebody without wrapping them up or stripping them: go sit!

It is high time to earn the big bucks. Your fans are tired of choosing yard work over the second half of a Panthers' game. Out. Pappy

Brethren: I wasn't fuckin around. The Cap'n brung it. Just a few more musings, then perhaps Nacho will do a "Off the Beaten Path" post regaling us all with the wonderful world of weddings:

- Anyone else notice that the head ref for the Tampa-Carolina game gave "the shocker" whenever indicating third down? If we had won this game, I would have reported it with glee. Now, just seems odd.

- My good buddy and Bobcat employee, Eugene, is ready to patent his well-crafted "Back Up QB Theory" -- namely, that every time a team switches to its back-up QB the week leading up to the Panthers game, our Cats are guaranteed to lose that game. It's happened in both of our losses this year. It happened last year when the Falcons came to Charlotte and promoted John Joseph Harrington. It happened a few years back when Tony Romo got his first shot at starting. If this weren't such a hurtful theory on my Sunday emotional state, I'd be singing the praises of Eugene for recognizing the pattern.

- It's almost as if young Eugene's Theory is somehow connected to the fact that our coach is notorious for being stubborn. Fuck it, I said I wasn't gonna get angry, but here it comes. Honestly: down 14-0 early in the first quarter doesn't change your game plan at all, John Fox? You still think plowing head for 3 and outs will "establish" the running game. Our biggest gains on offense came in the fourth quarter, down 3 possessions, when Jake started running a somewhat urgent/no-huddle offense. And by then, our offense was so lulled to sleep, the receivers (Jarrett, Rosario, and yes, Steve Smith) all dropped passed. Shit, John Fox! Somedays establishing the run early can pay dividends. But when it's halftime, you're down 14 points, and nothing's going, it may be time to spice things up. Even the supposed ultra-conservative DAN HENNING has figured that out with his Wildcat offense down in Miami. Fuck.

- That anger didn't even come close to matching the Cap'n's. He does have a few years of the "bottling anger" routine on me.

- Anger over. Moving on to more important divisional home game against New Orleans. With a surprisingly competitive NFC South, it's time to take back some control.
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Week 5: Playing the JV

Brethren: I witnessed the Carolina Panthers absolute and utter destruction of the Kansas City Chiefs in live and living color from Section 539 in Bank of America Stadium this early afternoon -- and let me tell you, it was nearly unbelievable how thoroughly the Panthers beat another team from the National Football League.

It's not that I think the Panthers are the best team ever and the Chiefs are the worst, but that 34-0 drubbing clearly showed that on certain days, the Panthers can do whatever they want on a football field. The defense set the tone from their very first series, forcing the Chiefs into negative yards and a punt. The running game then set the table, opening huge holes and cutback opportunities for DeAngelo Williams and Johnathan Stewart. That then opened up the passing game, getting Smitty involved and unleashing Moose on a slant that went for 47 yards and a TD.

It was as complete a game as I've seen over the last few years. The game honestly reminded me of the Giants and Bears playoff games from the 2005 year, except back then, that was just Smitty dominating opponents. Today, it was the defense, priding themselves on getting that goose-egg; the running game, controlling the clock and breaking off big plays, and Jake, stewarding an efficient throat-slashing of a clearly inferior opponent.

Today was brutal. Today was beautiful. Today was hopefully the very beginning of a long march towards February. It's the kind of game that lets you start dreaming big as you board your plane from Charlotte to New York. It lets you think, "I wonder how this team would fare against someone its own size."

Today, the motherfucking Carolina Panthers put their stamp on a game, and even if it was against a team that looked like a JV squad, it doesn't happen often in the NFL.

More musings, desde:


Brethren (cont'd): There's really not much more to say, but here are a few patented bulleted thoughts:

- The platoon system at running back is certainly working. Williams had his big game we've all been waiting for, but you have to recognize that having Stewart to spell him and keep the ground game working had to keep him sharp and in shape to bust out the big plays.

- Not enough can be said about the defense. Utterly dominant today. From Pep and the quick front four, to the ball-hawking LBs, to the white-on-rice DBs, it was a full unit effort. Quite impressive to watch.

- Being at the stadium definitely let you in on some things you don't catch on TV. Like the way Pep waves his hand at the crowd behind the end zone, egging on them to scream louder and taunting the opposing huddle. That was cool to see.

- And the TopCats are hot, even when they're not doing their lesbian things.

Nacho's got more, but onwards and upwards to a divisional rival I truly despise next week as the Cats travel to Tampa to face the Bucs. If today was about taking care of business early and often, next week will definitely be about taking control of the division. Let's do it.

Nacho: I wore a cape and dressed a stuffed monkey in a full Carolina Panthers uniform to the bar yesterday. The Panthers' surgical removal of the heart from the still-beating chest cavities of the Chiefs was a fun one to watch as a fan. I enjoyed swapping "DeAngelo Williams is frustrating a lot of people on their fantasy benches" barbs and eventually spent my day focused on the Redskins/Iggles game.

The Panthers rolled, and we eventually put Josh "Chainsaw" McCown under center. I led a rousing chorus of "Hail to the Redskins" after every score. Heck, Nick Goings saw significant play time. It was a great day of one o'clock games, and another middling day of 4pms.

Now, of course, the real season begins. We're through almost a third of the season, and we played one team with a winning record. Tampa Bay, again, is a hard team to read, but they seem to be squeezing out victories left and right. Everybody's talking about the NFC East and how good they are but I think they're gonna beat each other up so much, it's gonna be the other team with a bye week in the first round whose most dangerous. Mark my words.

Onward to that place that has a fucking Pirate Ship attached to it.
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Week 4: Definition of Comfortable Win

Brethren: Last Sunday the Carolina Panthers played the closest team to them in distance, the Atlanta Falcons, a team that was a surprising 2-1 coming in. I don't like the Falcons, but I'm more annoyed when the Panthers lose to them than anything. Not mad; not raging; just annoyed and disappointed.

Luckily for me, I was just simply content on Sunday. The Panthers controlled the game in all facets and even though the score was close until the third quarter, I never felt a real fear that the Panthers wouldn't prevail.

It was a comfortable win, and it was very delectable to go about my Sunday knowing that I could check "Panthers beat Falcons" of my things to do on a busy Sunday.

More musings looking back, desde:


Brethren (cont'd): Some quick patented bulleted thoughts:

- Moose. Sweet, sweet Moose. He really is better the second time around. I love the guy.

- Jake. Efficient, fiery Jake. He put up a gaudy good QB rating and kept the game in control.

- BeasTon and Thomas Davis. Ball-hawking and ferocious BeasTon and Davis. This duo of LBs is becoming increasingly fun to watch. The fly to the ball; BeasTon led the game in tackles, Davis had the most out-of-nowhere great tackle, busting through the line in the second half for a six-yard loss of Michael Turner.

- Even the problems of the Atlanta game seemed harmless: a bobbled punt by Baker leading to a field goal, and too many penalties. They were cute problems, almost.

I never felt the game was in doubt, which is how I like my Sundays to be. After a hectic two days of the week, I'm back home in Charlotte, gearing up to watch the Chefs (great googily moogily) battle the Cats on Sunday. I'll be doing my rowdy thing in Section 539.

Onwards and upwards to 4-1!

Nacho: For the first time in two seasons, I voluntarily spent a Sunday where the Panthers played away from The Bar, and not in a stadium. I traveled to Little Mexico, with it's 3 HD tvs in the living room, all of ample 50"+ size. The food was delectable (BBQ Chicken sliders on Hawaiian sweet bread), and the banter was lively.

The game started off with a bang, a Pick Six on the first series. That was called back. Because of Eddie Hoc. Fuck and no. Either way, it was a good omen for this new viewing experience. The game progressed, we kept a weary eye on the New Orleans game, and feasted like fatted Romans.

As Brethren said, it was a comfortable win with some cute flaws. I'm starting to get my dander up about these Tight Ends and their False Starts. It's week 4 fellas, less reign this shit in before we have to play some one good.

The Chiefs are coming off a startling upset against the Broncos, but I don't fear them too much. They were desperate for their first win, and could have residual swagger. Nothing fires up a team like pissing off someone else's fans in their own home. Trust me, I was in San Diego for week one.

So I hope the Cats stay focused, I hope the continue to platoon the backfield and make Moose a vital part of the offense. BeasTon looks like he's gonna make some involuntary manslaughter by Week 8. We're in the thick of a homestand that should progressively rile up the Southerners across this great nation of ours. We're gonna need that good mojo for when we play away from Charlotte in the 2nd half of the season.

Sorry for the late post, but seriously, that was about as boring as a Panther win can be. I'll take it. One last note: Little Mexico resident Ricky looked over his fantasy stats and announced, "We need to get Smithy involved in the offense more." Within the next six seconds Steve Smith had connected with Jake Delhomme and God used the juke-stick to spin move around the Atlanta defensive backfield. Well played, Ricky. Well played indeed.
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Week 3: Snap Back to Reality

Brethren: The Carolina Panthers came back down to Earth yesterday and I'm still not quite sure what to make of it. Losing to a desperate 0-2 Vikings team on the road, against a pass rush that looked remarkable, I suppose I'm not terribly upset. I was yesterday afternoon, but it wasn't as if I watched the game and thought, "Damn, we should have won that game." The Vikings outplayed the Panthers, stole the momentum late in the second quarter and never gave it back.

It was incredibly frustrating to watch the Vikings reel off 20 straight and see little to no fight out of the Panthers. Yes, if a few things had gone our way -- if the Jonathan Stewart kick return isn't negated, if John Fox doesn't call a timeout right before we block a field goal to keep it to a one possession game -- we may have had an opportunity to do the Cardiac Cats thing. But there were also a terrible amount of mental mistakes -- 11 penalties, an ineffective offensive line, and letting the Vikings uncork an eleven minute drive that spanned the second half of the third quarter into the fourth -- that truly made me realize Sunday was not our day.

The implications? Hopefully not too much. Four of the next five are at home (I'm going to the Kansas City game in two weeks!), but shit needs to get figured out, that's for sure. The Falcons always give us trouble, no matter their record, and right now, their record says they're just as good as us. I don't believe that, but I do believe we're in for a fight come Sunday.

More thoughts, desde:

Brethren (cont'd): My patented bulleted thoughts regarding the Cats first loss of the 2008 season:

- 1st play of the game for the Cats: completion to Steve Smith. That just seemed right. Too bad Jake couldn't get it to him more as the day went on.

- Jake claims that Smitty was streaking and wide open on the play he fumbled on right before the first half, and that he was gearing up to hit him. I'd like to believe him, but it just makes me angry. I kinda agree with Fowler and wonder how he didn't see Winfield coming.

- Two ominous signs from the week that looking back at I wish I could have taken more heed of: a) The call I received from Chops where he mentioned the last time the Panthers played a back-up coming for his first game of the year, Tony Romo busted us up something fierce and b) Me acting like I know when football lines are absurd.

- I've been to Minnesota more times in 2008 than I've been to Charlotte. I didn't take the pre-game tequila shot with Pam (I did the first two weeks and we won). And still, if anyone wants to blame me for this loss, I'd point them to J-Lew, who watched his first Panthers game of the year yesterday. Silly J-Lew.

Nacho: I sat in The Bar in front of our designated, prime real-estate seats to watch the Panthers play football on Sunday morning, and a funny thing happened. They didn't.

All week I taunted downtrodden Bears fans, exalting how insignificant I thought this Sunday's game was. They're starting Gus Frerotte and won't have [a 100%] Adrian Peterson! Brian McKinnie's still suspended and a rookie's going up against Pep! I might not be too embarrassed to wear his jersey! I said.

Then I wore my Panthers undershirt for the first time this season, watched my first game without my Goose (Ricky, a transplanted diehard Cardiac Cat lover, spent the day of the Emmys at Leonardo DiCaprio's house filming celebrity Obama endorsements. Ricky's priorities are incredibly out of whack. He wrote jealously...) and I totally forgot about Jared Allen. Apparently, the Panthers did the same thing. Not film Obama endorsements. Forget about Jared Allen.

Brethren covered the game too well for me to talk about it, so I'll just say this:

After Johnathan Stewart scored his third touchdown in 2 weeks (while remaining on my fantasy bench) I picked up the Panther bucket I had and beat it ferociously as my velcro Sir Purr hung from my neck. After an appropriate amount of elation, a young woman behind me tapped me on the shoulder. She stated simply, "My uncle played for the Panthers, and I gotta say, you rock. I miss good ol' Panther fans."

"Whose your uncle?" I asked.

"Rodney Peete."

Had I my digital camera, a lithograph, or the syrup-based artistic skills of Jean-Michel Basquiat I would've done something to keep that moment forever. We talked about how without Peete's guidance, there would be no Jake Delhomme and how meaningful and significant his time there was. I don't remember her name because I was drunk on power and Bud Light by then, but she was a Bengals fan and a pretty cool chick to say the least.

Anyway, I hear the Panthers are playing next week, so that's what I'm focusing on. The Dirty Birds look decent this year, but the guy who traditionally beats the shit out of us won't be starting this week (pulled hamstring. Also, he's in prison.) so there's a chance we can pull this out. It'd be a solid win and a great start to a semi-home stand.
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The Return to College Football

Brethren: It's Saturday morning and college football is beckoning. I haven't had college football beckon me in quite some time. Between the Carolina Panthers giggly-good start at 2-0 (really, we're 3.5 underdogs to the Vikings? With craziness like that, I should just bet on football to make a living), my job, the suck that is Al Groh and Virginia football, combined with a general lack of epic-ness from college football, my Saturdays have been scarce on beckoning.

That changes today.

It mainly changes because the Southeastern Conference has a huge billing today. The Gators go to Knoxville to play the Vols and the two Tigers of Auburn and LSU do their thang in the evening. I am geared up to go to a Gators bar the same way I did last year for the Gators-Vols game; unfortunately, the Cap't and Mammy won't be at the game like last year, but it's still ramping up to be a romp a la the Gators 59-20 win in Gainesville in 2007. Percy Harvin is returning to the line-up and feeling better than ever, the Gators take on their first SEC test, and the Florida boys treat Knoxville like it's Momma's second house.

Yes, college football has come a'beckoning. And with the weather taking a delectable turn to cool breezes and sunshine, today feels like a fine day to return the call.

More musings de college football desde


Brethren: I am truly fired up about this Saturday. The SEC has reaffirmed its dominance over any other pansy conference in all of college football land, and today will be a testament to that. The conference has 5 of the top 10 teams in college football! And today, the consensus #4 team will take its show on the road and show Fat Phil what good football in the SEC East is all about.

Perhaps Nacho will check in, but he lives in a city where everyone worships USC, and despite their demolition of UVA and Ohio State, I'm just not buying what USC is selling. They play in the Pac-10; they're not the best team in the US of A. The top team in the country will be an SEC team, like the past two years, and that's that.

Saturday, I welcome your beckons. Let's get it on.
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Week 2: Rock N Roll

Nacho: Anyone who read our Panthers preview is probably smugly smiling today, and probably a little richer. Which, I hear, could prove better for the ol' wallet. I'm not advocating gambling on sports, but it just feels a little safer these days.

I returned to my Panther headquarters out in Hollywood this weekend. The most ADD environment one can possibly watch football: Big Wangs. 42 flat screens showing every game being played. We camped out between Lions fans, Colts fans and a few shifty-looking Bears fans.

The game started, we ate humble pie, things looked about as good as they have at home for the past couple years. By halftime I was on the receiving end of some pretty pointed barbs and hilarious insults. I chomped on my barbeque chicken wings and smiled with sauce in my beard: the game is sixty minutes long, kids. Why does every team in the NFL not get this? We're the Panthers. We don't play for three quarters, we play the whole damn game.

Anyway, two more towers of beer and a cheese pizza later the Panthers had eked out another victory, snatching victory from the jaws of defeat. There truly isn't a more anti-climactic ending to a pro game than four knees taken, but hey, a W is a W.

For the record, I'm getting a ton of de ja vu recently: in 2003 there was a shitty, war-mongering president named Bush in office and no one could beat the Panthers in the fourth quarter. Welcome back, Cardiac Cats.

and now, for something completely similar...



Nacho cont'd: Jonathan Stewart taught me a valuable lesson about not starting him in my fantasy leagues, and I have a feeling the phrase "Pass intended for Mushin Muhammed" was not said over the PA system nearly as much as last week. The turning point in the game, the moment that made me turn to all those probably-felonious Bears fans and say, "Oh dear, you don't have a chance, now," was when Jake was spearheaded by a Bear defensive back, sprang up, threw off his helmet and started pounding his chest. Minutes later Beason made a spectacular tackle and started slapping his own chest. These two unbridled displays of enthusiasm and testosterone sealed the deal for the Cats.

One last note: Darius Rucker sang the national anthem yesterday. The two other previous times he's sung it, the Panthers have made the post season. These are the things that matter, people.

Brethren: Week Two didn't have the heart-stopping drama like the Week One victory over San Diego did. But it certainly was a roller coaster, and it took me though all the highs and lows of a Carolina Panthers win. I'm physically and emotionally exhausted, and all I did was scream at a TV and drink beer made from the Rockies.

It was an awesome comeback win -- done without our best player, the suspended Steve Smith. I am downright giddy we've got him coming back next week; as Jake said, "we've got our rocket back."

And now to the Brethren patented bulleted thoughts:
- The first half was downright sloppy. I really don't understand the outrageous amount of false starts. I seem to remember at least six. Not cool. Not cool.

- We need a nickname for Jonathan Stewart. Two weeks in, and he's nickname-worthy. I love that he has stated his goal of trying to become the "greatest running back in NFL history." That's badass. And not even remotely outrageous.

- Moose was huge today, and has been a big reason this team has gotten out to a 2-0 record without Steve Smith. What a veteran, a leader. I love the guy. Feels right to have him back.

- The Cap't bought a BeasTON black jersey today. It was an awesome sign for another banner day from the second-year defensive stalwart.

- Chris Harris, at it again with the forcing of the fumble. He is the awesome. Rock.

- Minnesota scares me a bit, as they'll be a desperate 0-2. But fuck that, they should be scared we're getting Steve Smith back. Rock.
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