The Return to College Football

Brethren: It's Saturday morning and college football is beckoning. I haven't had college football beckon me in quite some time. Between the Carolina Panthers giggly-good start at 2-0 (really, we're 3.5 underdogs to the Vikings? With craziness like that, I should just bet on football to make a living), my job, the suck that is Al Groh and Virginia football, combined with a general lack of epic-ness from college football, my Saturdays have been scarce on beckoning.

That changes today.

It mainly changes because the Southeastern Conference has a huge billing today. The Gators go to Knoxville to play the Vols and the two Tigers of Auburn and LSU do their thang in the evening. I am geared up to go to a Gators bar the same way I did last year for the Gators-Vols game; unfortunately, the Cap't and Mammy won't be at the game like last year, but it's still ramping up to be a romp a la the Gators 59-20 win in Gainesville in 2007. Percy Harvin is returning to the line-up and feeling better than ever, the Gators take on their first SEC test, and the Florida boys treat Knoxville like it's Momma's second house.

Yes, college football has come a'beckoning. And with the weather taking a delectable turn to cool breezes and sunshine, today feels like a fine day to return the call.

More musings de college football desde


Brethren: I am truly fired up about this Saturday. The SEC has reaffirmed its dominance over any other pansy conference in all of college football land, and today will be a testament to that. The conference has 5 of the top 10 teams in college football! And today, the consensus #4 team will take its show on the road and show Fat Phil what good football in the SEC East is all about.

Perhaps Nacho will check in, but he lives in a city where everyone worships USC, and despite their demolition of UVA and Ohio State, I'm just not buying what USC is selling. They play in the Pac-10; they're not the best team in the US of A. The top team in the country will be an SEC team, like the past two years, and that's that.

Saturday, I welcome your beckons. Let's get it on.
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I Plain Straight Hate You, But Damnit Do I Respect You, Wes Bynum

Cap'n Pappy attended his parents' 60th wedding anniversary this weekend in Florida. Thus, he was surrounded by Gator fans as they watched their eleven-game winning streak come to an end at a familiar place: the hands of Auburn. He files this report:

Cap'n Pappy: My pick for best SEC story of the week is the last second field goal victory of the Auburn Tigers over the Gators at the Swamp. Auburn, after losing to South Florida and Mississippi State, the Tigers/War Eagles/Plainsmen go into the Swamp a decided dog. After showing that straight ahead single wing runs into the teeth of the defensive line by Tebow were not going to work no matter how many times the play was run, the Auburn offense put points on the board in the first half while shutting out the Gators.

Feel the pain, after...


After halftime, Mercy Percy Harvin and Tebow stepped up the offensive diversity and the teams wound up tied with seconds to go in the game. Now here is the story of the week: kicker and true freshman Wes Byrum has been warming up on the sidelines and comes in to kick the game winner from 48 yards out.

Byrum is out of St Thomas Aquinas High in FORT LAUDERDALE! Urban Meyer pulls an NFL maneuver and calls time out just before the snap to the ref on the sidelines. Obviously even though the whistle blew, Auburn completes the play and Byrum makes the field goal.

Of course, we are talking about 93,000 screaming Gator Nation home denizens makes enough noise to shake the sod and we are also talking about a true freshman playing his first big SEC game in a decidedly hostile environment. Byrum comes to the sidelines during the timeout, trots back onto the field and proceeds to kick a SECOND 48 yard field goal through the uprights to beat Florida with no time left on the clock. As he is running to the Auburn bench celebrating, he is doing the Gator chomp at midfield at the Swamp, a Florida boy at that.

You can't ice a guy with ice water in his veins.

Even though it pained me greatly as a charter member of the Gator Nation, I can't help but tip my hat to this kid. An awesome stone cold in your face maneuver for a freshman.

Capn Pappy
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Cap'n Pappy's Marshland Adventures, Part the First

This past weekend Cap'n Pappy conned Mammy in to going down to Florida under the auspice of "visiting friends". What Mammy neglected to realize was that the Vols were in town and they was lookin' fer an ass beatin'. Cap'n Pappy files this report from the Swampy Marshland:

The Pilgrimage (with respect to Geoffrey Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales)


In September when the tropical lows begin to form off the coast of Africa
And the leaves begin to change in most college towns
Sightings of the reptiles Albert and Alberta (the Gator mascots) begin
And football fans begin their pilgrimages
To the place where only Gators get out alive: The Swamp!

Yes, the Florida Field at the Ben Hill Griffin Stadium is the mecca
For cowboys from Kissimmee, bucanneers from Captiva
Water moccasin skinners from Alligator Alley, crackers from Sopchoppy.
They begin their pilgrimages closer than we did and in more esteemed transports

Swamp Things, horned Cadilllacs, satellite-dished RV’s with smokers in tow
Orange and blue way-off-road Big Feet, F250’s sporting pennants and awnings
Wend their way to the little town uphill from Payne’s Prairie, Gainesville.

Ben Hill Griffin, cattle rancher and grove boss from my part of the state, typified the loyalty to the Orange & Blue
Y’all need a new stadium? Hell, why didn’t ya tell me, boys.
Few head of cattle later, the impenetrable walls of the Swamp appear. Impenetrable because you can’t get OUT til the Gators stop feedin.

Photo from EDSBS


The rhymenocerous graze, after...


This pilgrimage was the first for my wife, co-creator of the Sports Brethren
She grew up a Redskins fan, an NFL fan, and has never understood the magnetism of college football. No doubt because the only college football she was exposed to was ACC (wait til hoops season). She thinks Cameron Indoor is loud.

We arrive Friday and already the RV’s have the satellite dishes out. The pigs are smokin. By Saturday at 0900 hours, the transports are parked on every square inch of concrete and sand and the speakers are blaring Rocky Top and the Orange and the Blue. On this Saturday as the nearly 100,000 of the Gator Nation fill up the Swamp, the national champion Gator roundball team is introduced and receive their championship rings. As the practicing teams clear the field, Mr. 2 Bits leads the first cheer. Mr. 2 Bits, an 85 year old gentleman in seersucker, saddle oxfords, tie, and straw boater, who has not missed a home game since Tennessee was half of North Carolina, seems to tolerate the 110 degree field temperature better than the Vols. As he jogs off the field, the chant begins. The 50,000 in the student section are “Orange”: a 3.5 on the Richter. The 50,000 on our side are “Blue” and the drink in my Gator cup is vibrating like the footfalls of T Rex in Jurassic Park.

This continues louder and louder until on the Big Screen we hear the 2 notes of the Jaws theme and see live footage of real alligators in a swamp feeding frenzy. At this moment the team races onto the field from the SouthEast corner of the Swamp and you have the audible equivalent of Krakatoa. My wife is laughing and holding her ears. Laughing because the game has not even begun and Redskin fans in DC are wondering what that noise was. Holding her ears so that they don’t bleed.

The kickoff ensues, the Vols punt after their first drive falters, and the punt is promptly returned by Brandon James for a touchdown. As Mick Hubert, voice of the Gators, would put it: Oh My! The first half stays relatively close until Mercy Percy Harvin starts making moves that would put a sailfish to shame, Tim Tebow alternates strikes between single wing, T quarterback, and shotgun, Woody Pierre-Louis, the French cornerback, shuts down Ainge’s passing game and there you go Dustin Doe shuts down the run. The only break in the beatdown is between the 3d and 4th quarters when the crowd sings We are the Boys from Old F-L-O-R-I-D-A. At one point in the 4th quarter, the Vols begin a series on their 10 or 15 with a delay of game and a 6 men on the line illegal formation penalty. 59 points later after Tennessee is dispatched the throngs along the roads from the stadiums graciously crank up the speakers to accompany the Orange and White RV’s leaving to the tune of Rocky Top.

The Swamp transports head back home along US 441, the Woodpecker Trail, the EC Rowell thru the Green Swamp, and the Sunshine State Parkway to rest their throats til next home game. 17 in a row have fallen in the Swamp. My wife is happy to return to North Carolina and the land of the sane, Tobacco Road, land of hoop dreams. There are far too many dangerous animals on the other side of the Great Okeefenokee.

Capn Pappy 9/07






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Where We Stand on The Great Debate: NFL or NCAA Football

Brethren: I have often spent many a minute, hour, day, and moon wondering where I stand exactly on the great debate: Which is better: The NFL or NCAA football? Nacho and my's increasingly favorite writer on these here interwebs expressed both sides in exquisite prose on his Debriefing this week: one showing how the great App State win captured our hearts and imaginations and the other reminding just how much better of a pro product the NFL is than all the other leagues.


So where do we stand? Well, not unlike how I go back and forth on whether Jessica Alba or Scarlett Johansson gets to be my first ex-wife, I often pledge alliagance to the NFL one day -- only to give my heart to NCAA the next.



We try to break our love down for the NFL and College once and for all. At least until tomorrow. Follow us, thru:



Brethren (cont'd): So first I reckon I should rightly explain my College and NFL allegiances, so we all can follow along with the proverbial bouncing ball.

Now, in college, I claim two teams, the Florida Gators and the Virginia Cavaliers -- and I ran that by the irreverant, underground fellers at Page 2, and I'm a-ok because I qualify under College Football Fan Rules 1a(a) and 1a(c). I qualify for Rule 1a(a) because I grew up in a Gator household, my grandparents have been regulars at the Swamp for nearly 40 plus years, I've documented the Mecca pilgrimage, and the Gators are 8-0 lifetime when I go to games.
I qualify for UVa because I just dun graduamacated from dat dere second-best Sckewl of Bidness in the whole States of the United.

And as glorious as the past weekend was for college football as a whole -- the one weekend a year where it completely dominates the weekend without the NFL around -- I just am a little disgusted by one of my schools right now -- and (gasp!) it's not the defending national champs. Yes, I am estatic about how dominant Tebow was, how ridiculous Pearcy Harvin is, and how I'm very much okay with the fact that the Gators will have to win every game 56-52 -- which they can.

But UVA? Seriously, what a disappointing, frustrating Era we're in. And right now, two ex-New-York-NFL guys are disgusting me. The first one: our coach, the expontentially less-likeable-especially-when-he-doesn't-win Al Groh. I'm just glad Michigan got whupped so bad; otherwise, everyone would have noticed just how embarrassingly UVA got beat this weekend. Oh wait; they did (from the Forde Yard Dash to the random Commenters over at our sugar momma's site).

Then there's Tiki. Yea, you and I have a degree from the same school within UVA. And yes, you donated over a $1 million to said school. But dude, you're making our stomachs turn right now. Stop making excuses and throwing people under the bus just to help your new career. I always did like Ronde more (and yes, that started because on College Football USA '96 Ronde was just dirty.)

The thing is, neither Groh nor Tiki's going away. Groh, because for some reason our Athletic Department gave him a (Dr. Cox it wih me now) haaa-uu-uu-uu-uuuuge extension two years ago when he didn't deserve it and Tiki, because he sells Cadillacs and has a pretty face. But the thing is, the Tiki thing doesn't really do much besides make me a little uncomfortable he's representing The University. The Groh-staying-around thing makes me downright angry that he's making me apathetic: as long as he's there and we keep underachieving and the home losses to Western Michigan keep happening and he keeps up the "I'm better than you; don't question me" attitude he has towards the media, I lose a little more interest. And I don't want to lose interest -- I really don't. But right now, I'd just rather focus on the Gators.

So while I channel my college spirits on the Gators and all of their glory, I still just am too apathetic towards UVA for the NCAA to take over the NFL for chief sport/love of my heart. The Panthers have no losses on their record right now. Possibilities are endless. Dreams are boundless.

But at the end of the day, if for some reason the Big Man upstairs is angry at me this weekend and the Panthers lose in St. Louis, I'll be a terrible drunk to be around on Sunday. And Monday. And all the way until we play Houston the following Sunday. The UVA loss to Wyoming didn't nearly elicit such a depressing emotion from me (and the Gators haven't lost in a while, so I can't accurately judge that sort of pain right now).

And that's how I judge the great debate: My depression, pain, and bitterness at the world is just a good bit better when the Panthers lose -- and the elation that much higher when they win -- and that's how I know.

Verdict (for today): NFL.

Nacho: 1998-2003.

That was my Blue Period. Those were my Howard-Hughes-in-a-penthouse-with-the-creepy-fingernails period. Movies had stolen my heart. It was all because of 1997. Most will remember that as the year of the Titanic, I remember it for the glorious fall, leading up till the end of the year. There was such a multitude of good cinema out that fall, I plumb forgot about the Panthers. By this point I was so enamored nothing, not even sports, could hold my attention.

Then it happened.

My senior year of college started out like any other. The film school convened in a theater and we were given a rousing, inspiring speech to fill our hearts and minds with the swollen potential for the coming year. As we rose from our seats my buddy Irish looked over excited and asked, "You gonna join us?" My answer would change the course of my life.

I joined them.

We went to the Metal Rebel which, I found out through their MySpace page, has since closed down. Metal Rebel was a bar attached to a biker shop and it had a lot of room and showed Monday Night Football on big projection screens. They served 25 cent baskets of wings and 2 dollar pitchers. We would regularly run up tabs of over 150 dollars. Our group would swell to over 20, or it'd be just the boys, but every week on Monday we'd waddle through the doors, announce our return and get blind, stinking drunk. We would drink every time they cut to SkyCam, we'd drink for every score, we'd drink every time Lisa Guerrero came on tv and we'd have to yell "NO BUSINESS BEING IN FOOTBALL!"

even Namath wouldn't kiss you, you saucy harlot.

As the days got shorter and the weeks got longer, the Panthers had this Cajun feller leading them on fourth quarter comebacks the likes of which you've never seen.

That February I hosted a Super Bowl party at my childhood home 'cuz mammy and the Cap'n were in Houston, attending the game. With one friend's bloody, bionic leg dripping everywhere we watched in awe as the Pats fell behind for the first time in months, Janet flashed some titty (thanks TiVo!) and Vinatieri became one the Hugh Jackman to my Dr. Cox (two Scrubs references in one post; lucky you.)

This is all a roundabout way of saying that having grown up in an ACC Hoops/SEC Football house my entire life, I can't seem to muster up as much fervor for the college boys as I once could. Only college can provide us with something like last years Fiesta Bowl, but there's only one reason a bar called Big Wangs replaces the Methodist church, and that's football. Most people look at me like a dog that's been showed a card trick (ht: BOC) when I tell them I willingly wake up at 8:30am every Sunday during the fall out here in Los Angeles, but I know I've got a good reason, maybe the best reason of all:

My Panthers are on.

Johnn Drama shouts VICTORY for: NFL


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