Sheed Being Sheed

Nacho:Highlight of the NBA Playoffs:

9:05 left in the 4th. Celtics 66, Pistons 70. Sheed gets his fifth foul. They cut to a replay, they cut to Sheed on the bench and in a moment of inspired live tv, the Junkyard Dog warns:

"I told you get that camera out my fuckin face."

This playoffs has been dern swell.

Brethren might write something, desde...

Brethren: I was away this past weekend. I'll address this post, in the next post. It'll be like time traveling.
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Nerdgasm!

Nacho: I don't know about you, but I desperately want to play Barkley, Shut Up & Jam: Gaiden terribly bad. It's got everything a videogame lover needs.

"Twelve years prior to the game, Charles Barkley, in an attempt to impress his son, performs a Chaos Dunk -- and inadvertently kills almost everyone present. As a result, basketball was made illegal and nearly all great players were killed in "The Great B-Ball Purge of 2041" (a.k.a "B-Ballnacht"

It's got LeBron's Octoroon great grandson, Jordan killing Bird, and Wilford Brimley. I need not say more.


What are you doing clicking THE JUMP?! It's a freeware game on the eBays! Get out there and dunk!


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The MLB & Charlotte

Brethren: The hard-working fellers at Walk Off Walk swung the Interweb's ADHD attention today to the town that the Sports Brethren call home: Charlotte, NC. The reason? They see the QC as the most viable place for Major League Baseball to add an expansion team (along with Portland), to get the League to a nice round number of 32 teams.

Now, Nacho will get to the more hilarious side of this thing (that's his job) and probably show how adorably named this Charlotte MLB team could be named or talk about how not even this would make him become interested on a day-to-day basis in MLB.

I'm here to put the more pragmatic spin on this here idea. And alls I have to say is, "Ha. Ha."

While the boys at W.O.W. have as good as reasoning as any (the SouthEast is underrepresented in the MLB and the QC, while not a huge metropolis, is centrally located for lots of mid-sized areas), I'm not buying that as sole logic. First off, I'm not buying that MLB needs another two teams. I don't at all see how that's good for baseball. I understand the league is making more money, but I think a reinvestment strategy is better than using that cash to try to add out more teams. Baseball has a litany of problems it can address with their extra profits: bad PR from steroids, under-representation from the African-American community, spotlights only ever being shone on the New York teams and Boston, to name three. Methinks there are other ways to spend these newfound dollars.

More reasons why this is laughable and Nacho's thoughts, desde:


Brethren (cont'd): If we allow ourselves the notion that MLB will expand, let's then look at Charlotte as the number one destination. This is a town that is captivated by cars turning left, so one would think that ability to pay attention to the same thing (over and over again) would lend itself well to the baseball season. There's one problem: NASCAR fans are NASCAR fans because they've been raised that way and ain't no Yankee coming down to take that away from them. Being given a team as if we're supposed to be honored to have one? Let's just say them boys wouldn't take too kind to that notion.

More importantly, no one under the age of 35 is passionate about baseball in Charlotte. Lax has become the cool spring sport and young kids have been conditioned to think they have to focus on one sport to get ahead, and baseball sure ain't winning that game against basketball, football, lax, and yes, maybe, even soccer.

Having young, interested fans is crucial in bringing out the masses -- and I can almost guarantee Charlotte can't do that. I went to my first game of the 2008 season last night, attending Shea Stadium to see the Expos, err, Nationals play the Mets. The great booming metropolis that is New York City could not even come close to half-filling (the massive) Shea Stadium, with a division rival in town. This clearly won't be true for the weekend series against the Yankees, but it points out that even in the biggest of places, Tuesday night baseball just ain't all that popular. A team in Charlotte would only magnify that. Hell, look at our Bobcats attendance, and North Carolina is a helluva fine basketball state.

Finally, and let me be clear about this one: this is a selfish reason. But I am very convinced that Minor League Basbeball could kick ass in Charlotte. In fact, I see myself as the guy who, after building up some credibility in the marketing/advertising world here in NYC (and in the sports world with this here blog), returns home to his beloved hometown as the Knight in Shining Armor and resurrects the Charlotte Knights, building the model Triple-A baseball team. A downtown stadium. Enough Minor League Enterprise promotions to fill a schedule. Cheap beers and college nights. I have a vision -- a vision that is only going to be killed by a failing real MLB franchise.

So one of the few baseball fans born and bred in Charlotte has this to say to MLB expansion: Thanks, but no thanks.

Nacho: If you've made it this far, you probably don't have to be told what that giant, rashed anus is doing attached to this post, but I'll tell you anyway. It's the Gaffney Peach Butt and it's the landmark by which you know you're close to Knight Stadium somewhere outside Charlotte. I don't wanna do research for this, I wanna go off feelings, so I, not unlike Brethren, will be dishing the *truly* informed thoughts:

I'm with Brethren on this one, the Charlotte Soccer Moms wouldn't be able to contend for ten years, kinda like the Devil Rays. There'd be marginal interest in the game to begin with because baseball's only enjoyable in person, and even then, it's not a good idea to take an ADD/ADHD kid.

Besides, Brethren's right: Charlotte's an awesome place for Minor League ball, with it's penchant for whimsical "theme" nights and family/drunk-centric appeal. I could see a load of bankers descend upon a new Knight stadium for dollar dog night a lot more than I could see us fiscally supporting any sort of "serious" team. I don't want baseball to be taken so seriously, it's what makes Charlotte not Atlanta, and if there's anything Charlotte strives more, it's to not be called the New Atlanta. Let baseball spiral down the drain as it inevitably will, and let it do so without involving the Charlotte Wombats. Give us more time to focus on the important things, like the vinegar/tomato base argument for barbeque.
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The Sports Brethren Weigh In

Brethren: I woke up this morning to a great phone call from JLew and with no memory of how I got to my bed. I recanted with JWho, then I hit the Interwebs. It was a pretty normal Saturday morning; only I haven't had a normal Saturday morning in quite some time, due to travel, awesomeness, and general debauchery.

Then I, as I do nearly everyday, went to the Charlotte Observer Sports Section online. In a week that sparked great debate over the value of blogs (like this one!), mainstream sports media, the heated fight over what some people don't comprehend, and all that is good in the world, I bring this up because I greatly enjoyed what the newspaper brung me this morning.

Four Panthers articles. To borrow from one of the interweb blogging pioneers: Fuck. and. yes.

Delhomme's arm is feeling great? He threw 34 passes? Fuck. and. yes. Thank you, Scott Fowler.

Stewart's toe is still in a boot? But he talks like a Panther and "looks like a man"? You're God-damn right. Thank you, Charles Chandler.

Moose is happy, looking great, and handling his business? Awesome. Thank you, Stan Olson.

Pep's lining up in Rucker's old position? But just for a few snaps? Okay. Thanks, David Scott.

You see, I love the Panthers. I'm a fan. I write (not frequently) with my brother on this here Interwebs site not because we're dedicated to speed or to ruining society, as Buzz Bissinger would generalize, but because our experience is a shared experience, and we're funnier and better than you.

Our written words back that up, if you'll follow us:

Brethren (cont'd): As I said, I woke up this morning and it felt like a normal Saturday. A normal Saturday to me means the Panthers are playing tomorrow. And it's not so much that it's normal (because it only happens 16 out of the 52 weeks) but that it's fucking awesome. Part of loving the NFL is loving the anticipation of a Sunday. Today, I got that feeling.

How? By reading a newspaper -- online. That's all I needed -- that's all the NFL needs to do and I'm right back in. Four articles. Written by four guys that may or may not share Buzz Bissinger's thoughts and hate this here blog. They may understand that blogging is just another way to approach sports -- and yes, blogs are taking away readership from newspapers, but we aren't taking away readership from Journalism -- and I honestly hope they do.

But I don't know what they think -- and honestly, don't really care. Because we're not stopping and because fuck you. I love the Panthers and I have a forum. I'm drinking the Kool-Aid, as the Cap't asked me last night if I was. I am. It's May, the Panthers don't play a real game for another 4-5 months, and I'm in. I'm in because I read a newspaper (online) today.

So in all honesty, thanks newspaper dudes. I see your value. Just don't be a douchebag about it.

In other news: how about them fucking Atlanta Hawks!? I generally don't like Atlanta as a city -- it thinks it's better than Charlotte because it's bigger and they randomly had the Olympics and the Braves are so bicurious -- but I have to respect the way the bandwagon fans are helping the cause with their NBA team. That's an inspired team, and I love that the fans are a part of that inspiration. Forcing Game 7 like that last night was fucking awesome -- this is a crazy, insane, young team that doesn't care that they don't have Chris Paul or Deron Williams and are just rocking and rolling. Good for them.

(And yes, the headline is misleading, because Nacho's not weighing in, but he will -- you have to forgive him, he's headed to the biggest Renaissance Fair in the US today. Yet another reason we're funnier and better than you.)
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